I'm a single girl dating in the city. Sometimes it's funny

10 ways to be a better woman

 

Photo Credit: FreeDigitalPhots.Net

Hey Lovelies!

As you know I’ve been away and whereas I do have stories, I do have bits of wisdom I rather share with the single ladies and men that often read this blog.

Was reading Elite Daily and came across an article titled, “25 Ways to be a better man even if you can’t be a perfect one.” I liked it, I like when men are their best selves, it pushes women to rise up and be the best.

So I penned my own version, hope you enjoy!

1. Every morning you wake up, look in the mirror and flash yourself a million dollar smile.
As woman we often forget our worth, we forget how special we are to the right person. We get down on ourselves for small things, you don’t have to. Love starts with you. Flash yourself a smile and remember to love and enjoy every bit of your day.

2.  Dress as if you’re going to meet your future husband
Research proves that women who look good feel good. How many of you have gotten dressed to the core and walked into a room and felt as if everyone stopped to bow down to your greatness?

3. Exercise Daily.
Caribbean girls admittedly are thick as hell and gorgeous with it. But we can be thick and healthy. Take care of yourself, eat right but I’m not saying don’t eat the things you want to. We can’t take salads and gluten free food to our graves, but we can eat what we want in the right portions and take care of ourselves. Black women are susceptible to so many diseases, we don’t need to be another statistic.

4. Cook More – Learn New Dishes
People love Caribbean dishes more than we probably do. If you can’t cook, don’t admit it just learn how to do it. Learn new dishes, try new recipes and develop a talent for being in the kitchen. Your future self will thank you for it.

5. Call Your Loved Ones More
Life is funny, one day you’re here the next you aren’t. Call your loved ones more than once every blue moon. Send a text, a facebook message or even a two liner email. You’ll build better relations and it’ll make you feel good about yourself.

6. Reach out to other women
Women are combative, it’s weird to see two women that don’t know each other helping each other. We just don’t do that, but we should. We all have our experiences with men, no woman is above it. No matter how beautiful, smart or different you are, you will meet some man that will treat you like dirt. We have that in common. Reach out to a woman, offer her some advice or give her a kind word. It will go a long way.

7. Stop treating every man the same
Ladies, most of us can scream, “Men ain’t shit.” But how many of us can look past the fact we’ve been hurt and keep hopes up for the next man? It is hard, but every man deserves to be treated like he’s the last man you’ll ever date, even if he isn’t. Promise to stop meeting men with your carry on baggage (hate from previous men). If it didn’t work out, it won’t be because of you. You treated him like he was a new day.

8. Ask him out
We tend to date safely. If we have a feeling he won’t like us, we won’t ask him out. But life is about rejection and acceptance. Don’t go through life thinking what would have happened. Embrace every opportunity, if he doesn’t like you – on to the next one!

9. Follow Your Dreams
Most women reading this are either extremely talented or knows how to hustle. If you fall into these categories and you’re not following your dreams, just do it. Honestly, we’re in the entrepreneur age, people are trying their hands at everything- do it. The only thing that can happen is you fail, but if you fail you can turn that into a success. Seriously, make it happen.

10. Travel and Experience
Everyday put five dollars in a jar and save for dream vacations. Most women wait to travel the world with their man, why!? When you are perfectly ready for an experience of your lifetime? Book your flight, rent a car and a hotel and try new foods and new experiences. Love yourself to no limits and the right man will compliment what you’ve already been doing.

Love ya’ll xoxo

The Problem with Dating

 

Hey Lovelies!!

I’m back! Sorry for the wait but thanks for the love while I was away, always a pleasure to read your comments.

We’ve all seen the memes about women who are faithful to a cheating but loyal man or women that are in relationships with single men. Yes, we’ve seen it and frankly I’m sick of seeing it.

Dating is funny, because you never know just who you are dating. You’re being faithful to someone who portrays himself as your man, but what you don’t know is in his second life, he’s married with two beautiful kids and a life you know nothing about. How could you know? This man lied to you, manipulated you and spun a tale that even Karrine Steffans would believe.

But society would have you believe its your fault as a woman. Because you trusted the wrong person, or you finally let down the same guards that they said would help you find love. If it were up to society, women would never know what to do. In one instance we’re told we won’t ever find a man if we don’t let down our guards and let someone in. Then in the next breath we’re told that it’s our fault that we were faithful to Mr. Liar, Liar because we trust too easily. Which is it? Are we ever truly the victims?

We have all been the victims one time or the other. But no matter how bad you feel or how angry you are, NEVER let that low down bastard stop you from becoming the woman you were destined to be. Sure you may see red every time another woman is hurt and you may stop your wonderful life to plan revenge but always remember it wasn’t you, it was him.

Everything he said was wrong about you or everything he said you were, was just his way of breaking free to save his skin. You’re still a beautiful, amazing and intelligent woman.

Take a break, fall in love with yourself and always remember you may not be what he had in mind to hide his secret life, but to someone you’re everything they could have asked for and more.

Love ya’ll! xoxo

 

Guess who’s back?

Yes! I’m back, this time from the city! Got some exciting stories for you!

I’ll be back shortly!

Love ya’ll xoxoxo

Interracial Dating & The Black Woman

Hey Lovelies,

Love knows no color...

Yesterday I was told if I dated out my race, that I was a sell out, so here I am venting.

Did I miss the opportunity to subscribe to the “black women’s handbook”? Where is the rule that says that I cannot and should not date out of my race? I suppose because I was born black I should stick to what I know? What if I was born black but raised around white people, then do I dated mixed because I suppose that makes the most sense? Right..

Most of us have already been exposed to what the opposite gender has to offer, but for the single ones we’re still browsing.  We are well aware that the negatives and positives of men come in every color, ethnicity and race, so it’s not as if I’m potentially dating a white man to escape the negatives of the black race. I just made a decision to try everything once before I knock it entirely. I can’t knock a white man if I dated them and loved them, it is simply a preference.

Why does it even matter ? Don’t we all wish for happiness? What if you met a man that understood you perfectly, treated you like a queen, worshiped the ground you walk on and puts Christ first? Would you turn him down because he’s not of your race, would you really risk your one chance at true happiness because he’s not what you’re used to? If you said yes to turning him down, you have the potential to be a clown and lonely forever, congratulations.

However, I get it. Underlying race issues stem from racial issues that date back to slavery. A lot of black people associate interracial dating with violent issues as slave masters used to rape black women and a lot of people can’t accept the fact that this is the past and like everything else, we must let go. Then there’s the issue of empowering and black love, two theories that have nothing to do with the issue itself.

I can be an empowered black woman by realizing that love knows no color or race, that feelings or emotions do not see color or race and ultimately taking the step to date outside of my race. I can experience REAL LOVE without it being labeled black love or interracial love because in my mind, I’m not restrained by issues of race or color- all I want is the best and I’ll take it in any color as long as it is real!

Way I see it, is once you’re happy in your life what race or ethnicity someone dates or someone prefers to date isn’t your business at all. I can admit I used to be a little bothered seeing black men date white women then I realized my insecurity came from my insecurity regarding my value. A lot of the times when we’re bothered by who someone chooses to dates it speaks volumes about the battles we’re facing internally. At the same time my issues were hypocritical, because I had previously dated white guys and saw no issue, but when it came to seeing black men with white women, I felt offended as if it was personal. I dealt with my issues and now I can’t even borrow a care to give about who dates who; it is quite frankly none of my business and I wish that everyone somehow finds happiness.

Then there’s the joke that maybe I can’t handle a strong black man and I find it hilarious. I can handle any man strong or weak that comes my way, but a man isn’t defined by his race and more often than not it’s the man and not the race. For example; meet Jay-John Turner, clearly from the first name he’s black (haha) and he’s by society’s standard a strong black man but we just don’t get along. It has nothing to do with him being undeniably strong, we just don’t match. Breaking away from Jay-John has nothing to do with him being black and strong but it has everything to do with his personality and who he is! This is a heavy criticism from angry black men when I mention that I’m very open to interracial dating. As a black man calling women weak and criticizing the fact that she made a decision for her happiness doesn’t make us want to stay and date you guys. Well at least it doesn’t make me want to stay, it makes me look harder! It shows the insecurity that black men still have with white men and the battle they must be fighting within. I’d really hate to harbor all that hate for someone I don’t even know based on their skin color. Ish is just sad..

At the end of the day, a lot of ya’ll need to chill and face the facts!! White men are dating black women and enjoying them. Some white men do not even consider white women because of the awe and admiration they have for black sisters. They see the strength, the power and the struggles and desire to be with one. I don’t even know the last time I’ve heard a black man desire a black woman like that. Most black men are always talking about that pu$$y and the blocks etc, etc.

Time to get back to seeing women for the beauty they are and loving them regardless of their choices. Or else black men will find themselves losing “their” black women to other races.

You’re not a sell out because you believe in finding happiness and looking beyond someone’s color and race, you’re open minded and intelligent. You shouldn’t be bullied or criticized for your choices because at the end of the day when you find happiness, the people that criticized you will still be mad and guess what? Let them be, they have loads to work on.

—Here ends my rant–

Love ya’ll xoxo

You’re nothing but a Liar….

Good Morning Lovelies,

And what a GOOD MORNING I plan on starting you guys with today. Please do take the time to enjoy my throwback courtesy of Profyle.

I’m glad we got the pleasantries out of the way, now I’d like to personally ask you for 10 minutes of your time to tell you of my epic discovery of the breed “mingy liars”. Yes, I did say mingy liars. Now I’d like to present exhibit A and quite frankly the only exhibit this story will need.

Exhibit A is secretly married, lives with his wife and several family members, has a baby  daughter, a job and his own business on the side. To the world he presents himself as a single father (go back and read that again)  that has several family members living with him and is doing well. To a young woman simply browsing, this is fine. Although, the majority of us would have preferred for him to not have a kid, but that’s another story for another post.

So he meets this young lady, spins lies about what he does, his background etc. He realizes she’s into the church so he invites her to church one day and attempts to win her affection. Deceptive, Deceptive, Deceptive.  However, stopping him is the young women’s ability to just jump into something. You see her past prevents her from jumping into the unknown without knowing the full details. God bless her for her experiences.

Let’s fast forward this story to where it gets interesting. In my previous post, I listed all a woman really wants in a man. Never did I include a liar and drama correct? Well exhibit A had Moet taste with a fountain water budget. Yes, on top of being deceptive he was cheap.  He expected her to pay for everything ranging from drinks to  lunches. Now, don’t misunderstand what I’m describing his situation to be as “all women want is men money.” Because that is incorrect. Most women make their own money and most women can take care of themselves. However, what no woman wants to do is have to support a man. Any man. We were bought up in a society that molded us into the thought that the male was the provider, that a man’s pride will not allow him to take from us or allow us to take care of him. That is the world we live in, so don’t get confused and start feeling yourself because it is not the case.

He lied uncontrollably about everything, it didn’t take long for her to decide enough was enough. Little did she know, courtesy of Exhibit A how deep in a web of deceit she was in . Shortly, she was told that not only was Exhibit A married but the same house that she had visited the wife lived in. That he wasn’t a single father and he was married to the mother of his child. Quite the opposite from telling her his baby mother and him were not together, and he had promised his mother before he made another child he would get married. He said he wasn’t married at his age because he was “good”. Whatever that meant..

The young woman was shocked beyond means not only by this newly acquired information but because of the fact that one of his friends had told the woman that exhibit A relayed that he had told her. He had told his friend that he briefed her about showing up unexpectedly among other things. Imagine her amazement. To her this was a friendship that had to come to an end, he wasn’t her type so she was done. But now people were looking at her as if she was a home-wrecker, a bad b*tch and simply loose. Poor Girl.

Now, this is where it gets real. In this world, women would cheat with you especially if you’re married because it means no attachment and no drama. Women are no longer fragile and against cheating, they’re doing it and better than most men. So knowing that, what is wrong with being honest. Let her know what she’s getting herself into. Give her the choice to “date” you or to leave you alone. Warn her! What if his wife had found out about her and came at her? She would have been caught off guard because all she knew was what he provided. But no, Exhibit A decided that he’d lie about it to see how much he could have gotten away with. Mingy Liar.

Now this brings us to the present. Women what are WE going to DO in this environment? Some of us are looking for something real, but we don’t know these people we date. We don’t know what kind of situations they’re putting us in, all we know is what we are told. How do we battle this?

My advice is keep it casual. There’s no real way of knowing who you are dating but keep it cool and friendly. DO your research, ask your friends if they know about this person, in fact use GOOGLE. People not just men are deceptive & you have to protect yourself. Go for a few dates, talk a lot, don’t be afraid to ask questions and do a follow up. You have a right! Dating is an audition into your life. You do not want to let an Exhibit A into your life. Even for friendships, you don’t need friends that can’t be honest with you.

Remember to always put you first.

Love ya’ll xoxo


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