I was on twitter, when I read a post by Iyanla Vanzant which said, “Talking to others before you talk to the people involved is not a good way to start the healing process.” I felt as if she was speaking to me as lately I’ve been struggling to forgive someone who had hurt me so much.
Too many times when situations are done we walk away convincing ourselves that time heals all. That it’ll eventually go away. We discuss the issue with friends, looking for some sort of closure. But we rarely go to the person who has hurt us and speak to them.
I’ve posted blog entries of what I would say and I have since realized this is a part of healing. As Iyanla further explained in her tweets, healing is something you do, it has nothing to do with anyone but you.
Ironically when I write random pieces, it’s just to get it out, so I wouldn’t punish myself by constantly replaying situations in my head. I had no idea that what I was doing was going through a healing process, and I’m glad something constructive is coming out of this. As I have A LOT to say.
I feel that it is important that we as humans learn to forgive. Holding grudges against people whether they were friends or lovers never assists us in growing; it in fact holds us back. If we don’t allow ourselves to forgive, every person we meet can possibly pay for the mistake of what one person has done. We may never know when someone is right for us as we’ll be too busy treating him like the one person that hurt us. Take for example, The Emotionally Unavailable Man that I made reference to recently, it’s clear men that fall under that title haven’t allowed themselves to go through a healing process. As everyone that comes along suffers for the mistakes of one woman.
Most people wouldn’t think about that twice, but how about someone who has attempted to date an emotionally unavailable man? This would hit close to home because she know what it feels like to date someone who hasn’t healed. So even if it’s not you, you know people who need to just heal. Help them, make it a habit to look out for people around you. You never know when you’ll need someone to look out for you.
For me the best way to release is writing. Therefore I’m going to start writing a letter to the person who has recently hurt me the most. I’m not going to send it, but I’m going to hold it or even burn it, but I know to successfully let go I need to let it out completely.
I want to encourage all my readers to do the same. If the reason you’re hurting or angry is because of what someone has done to you join me in this season of healing and let it go. You don’t have to show anyone else, you just have to do it. It’s therapeutic and believe me you’ll feel a lot better.
But we as humans cannot possibly expect to grow if we’re holding in anger and distress. We have to forgive people to move on and become better people.
I dare you to forgive someone today!