I’ve been struggling with a way to start this post. I’ve given myself the task of effectively relaying a message from the heart of a woman who’s frustrated with the way both genders communicate to the mind of my readers.
In a nutshell, both genders fail to communicate effectively. No gender is better than the other in communicating. I read a blog the other day from Single Black Male that said if a douche bag treats a woman bad but constantly tells her that he loves her, she believes his words. But if a good man tells a woman he isn’t ready to commit but treats her like a queen, she believe his actions. Is anyone else upset by this?
I’m mad because men constantly state that women don’t know what they want, but they play games like the one above and expect us to understand! I’m a woman that follows actions, if you treat me like a douche, you don’t have to worry about me staying. On the other hand, if you as a man are not ready to commit why won’t you leave that woman alone. Why are you saying you’re not ready to commit but treating her like a man who is? Then you wonder why women are the emotional messes they are. If all you want is the v-jay, make that clear and leave her alone!! There are some women who just wants what’s between your legs and they come out and say it, why is it so difficult?
The problem with men and women are, they’re conditioned to listen and communicate different ways. If I say to a man, “I had a bad day.” Immediately he’s thinking that I want him to give me advice on how to handle whatever made my day bad, when that is far from it. I don’t need someone to always come in and save me with their thoughts and ideas, sometimes all I want is someone to listen. I see conversation as a way to let my feelings out, if I feel as if I’m listened to I don’t need another reason to make noise or talk some more. All women want sometimes is to be listened to. We tell you exactly what it is we want, but men who don’t use emotions, ignore us to hear what it is they want to hear. But we are guilty of that as well.
If I were to tell a man of a bad experience that I had with another, a man would see that as me being bitter. When all I’m telling you is what I went through and I’m hoping that you listen so I don’t have to do it again. But because men and women don’t effectively communicate, he’s not listening to me and he does what I don’t want done and continues the cycle of hurt.
How Can We Correct This? I’m sure all of us men and women alike just want to be with someone who we can talk to effectively. Someone that will understand and accept what we say for what it is and nothing more. I’m sure single women would love to be able to know when to hold and when to fold, when to walk and when to run away. I know I do, but men are saying what it is they want, but with woman we never hear them out. And that’s only for the men that actually come out and say what it is, but that’s another long story for another rainy day.
My advice would be to LISTEN. We all Listen but how many of us hear what the person is actually saying?
Women: We are so guilty of hinting about what we want. I said earlier that I would tell a guy what someone else did that hurt me and expect him to understand. Why? Am I speaking to another woman? No, I need to come out and say what it is I want and if someone can’t handle it then there’s my cue to keep walking.
When problems arise, women just want someone to listen or give a shoulder to lean on. We don’t want a superman all the time. It is sweet that you want to help solve all my problems but sometimes I don’t need that. Most of the times when men come to us with their problems, they don’t want a shoulder to lean on, they want help. Men are used to withdrawing when they have issues, keeping it from us. When they open up to us, it’s not for our pity it is saying, “I trust you to help me, please try.” Help first, comfort later.
Men: Believe it or not, no matter how cool she is, her mind doesn’t work like yours. Often she brings up old events, it isn’t to nag you or to pressure you, it is simply the way her mind works, we connect everything that happens to try and think of the bigger picture in some instances. We’re not asking you to be our girlfriends, we just want you to listen. We believe in building a better relationship with you but it starts with you. Sometimes the best way is to just listen, advice free.
There! I think I’ve effectively communicated to my readers something that has been bothering me for a few days. If you have anything to add, feel free to leave a comment!