I’ve gotten you guys so accustomed to at least 2 posts a night from me! I’m sorry I’ve been really busy getting some side projects of the ground.
In my last post I spoke about how to not be the unofficial friend, today I want to address the men. Yes sure if we all had a horse we would ride it. But when riding this horse influences and encourages other behavior, when do we draw the line?
I always look at situations like this from an activist standpoint. If you had a daughter and she dated a man that knew he wasn’t ready for a relationship, yet constantly took everything she gave him and treated her like a NMFF (non mutha-fudgepack factor), how would you feel? I think men should ALWAYS treat women the way they would want their mother, daughter or sister to be treated.
Men: Regardless of what we tell you, there is no way we can be emotionally involved with you for more than 3 months and NOT catch feelings. We’re not men, we’re women who act solely upon emotions. To you, we’re cool, we’re hanging out and you can leave at anytime. To us, we’re with you so long because we want to be the Mrs. in your life. As a man, you really must know how far to take us, what you can do with us and for how long. We don’t have multiple personalities, at least some of us don’t, we can’t be who we are then who you want us to be, at the same damn time.
In other words
STOP DOING BOYFRIEND SH!T
You’re not ready for a relationship? You want to take it slow? FINE! Say it and let your actions back it up. Don’t tell us that then treat us like Prince Charming! I get so tired of hearing the things that women do wrong and I’m equally tired of no one stepping up to the plate and admitting that most of the confusion in cryptic relationships start and end with MEN.
1. Emotionally Unavailable: My daily readers know how much this type of man irritates me. My thing is simple, if you’re emotionally unavailable, act like it. Actions are supposed to speak louder than words right? Right. Don’t say you’re not rushing into something, but we’re closer than Bonnie & Clyde. We’re doing things Beyonce and Jay-Z haven’t even done, but yet you’re still acting as if your emotions are on Mars and you’re on planet Earth.
2. Don’t Stress: Women and Men are humans they will get jealous and territorial it’s natural. But as a man that doesn’t want a relationship, jealousy shouldn’t even be in your mind. When we as women see a man getting a little jealous we feel he’s really into us and instead of backing of from this potentially psychotic person, we feel as if we’re getting closer and breaking the walls he has set. STOP IT! If you’re dating someone else and doing the dirty with them, that’s cool. Any woman that believes a man she is dating isn’t having sex with anyone is naive and should stop reading and sign out immediately. But realize what I said, it is cool if you’re dating someone else, don’t get your Hanes all in a knot when you find out she is as well. What’s driving you? You don’t plan on making her your significant other, so you really must chill out in the nearest pool of ice. It’s that simple.
3. Be Honest: Honesty is such a lonely word, but if you’re really NOT interested in a woman, don’t open doors for her. Don’t send her chocolate baskets or flowers because you’re thinking of her. Don’t send her good morning and good night texts. Do you do all these things for women that are JUST friends? If you do, let me know where you’re getting your money from, I need the hook-up. Because you obviously have LOTS of money and LOTS of time to waste on someone you’re not interested in. Whereas you’re thinking you’re just being nice, she’s bragging to her friends about all the awesomely sweet things you do for her and she is growing more and more attached.
4. Don’t Let Her: Don’t Let her what? Don’t let her cook for you, don’t let her cater to you as Destiny’s Child has taught her to. Don’t let her do favors for you that you know requires her going completely out of her way. Don’t let her cancel something to see you. JUST DON’T LET HER. As a man, if you tell a woman not to do something and you’re firm with it, she will listen or risk getting her feelings hurt. That’s just the way we are. Our maternal instincts kick in and we want to do for you, because you’re apart of our life and you treat us well. If you know you’re just along for the ride, don’t allow her to make an ass out of herself. Because at the end of the day she’ll feel really crappy about everything she did for you.
5. Create Boundaries & Stick to them: You’re emotionally unavailable right? You and your baby moms still kick it for the “kid” right? You’re feeling a certain way but showing the other woman something else. In this instance, don’t bring her home to your mother and don’t introduce her to your family. No sleepovers, no unprotected sex, no shared bank accounts, I’d even like to say don’t even share saliva but that’s a bit too much, I admit it. You may think it’s nothing but what you’re doing is giving the woman a false sense of hope that someday you’ll be together and if she believes you’re the one she will wait until eternity because that’s what love songs and society has convinced her to do.
Men are so emotionally unattached, they can read these things and see nothing wrong with it. But here’s a scenario for you: I dated a guy for months and it’s over but he’s still trying to get with me. But I liked him so much, I know if I slip and allow him in what it can do to me. But for him, it’s just another nut. So I’ve emotionally disconnected from him, when he speaks as much as I want to just hug him and do all the things we used to do, I have to realize that this dude is set to play with women even though he’s not ready to be in a relationship. So I avoid all possible interactions with him, when he comes near I walk away. He can’t hurt me if I’m not around him, that’s just it.
Let’s face it men, you’re emotionally unavailable but you can’t seem to live without female interaction. I understand you’re only a man. Be clear with her. If you only want the sex, be EXTRA clear with that. Do the deed and leave, you don’t plan on staying around so don’t give her the impression that you want something more than that. Don’t send her mixed signals and more importantly don’t play with her heart.
Love ya’ll xoxoxo