Happy Friday! I hope everyone has plans to go drinking after 5!
So I want to write about the man you need, when you need it. If anyone has ever read Steve Harvey’s, “Act like a Lady, Think like a Man”, you’ll remember the part where he spoke about if a man isn’t where he needs to be, he won’t be the man you need him to be. Amen, Amen. Where was Harvey when I was in this situation?
About 7 years ago, I met the love of my life, my first love, actually my only love. He was everything I thought I wanted, yes I did say “thought”. He was 5 years older than I was and one would think he would be ready to be a man. But he wasn’t, he was in and out of jobs, he smoked pot heavily and his friends came before everyone especially us. To spend time with him, I had to spend time with his friends. It got so bad his best friend would tell him that he has a girlfriend and to go and see her. When we made plans, I’d get to his house to meet him not at home but laying up with his boys. I thought he liked men, honestly.
Out of the 3 years we were together I spent 2 years doing everything for him. If i wanted to go out to dinner, I’d have to offer to pay because he would never agree to go. He was a homebody in a sense. Getting him out to nightclubs with me or bars, was a task he just didn’t want to have to go through. I remember one time, I wanted Italian food and offered to pay. We had appetizer’s, starters, drinks and deserts, the meal itself came up to over 200 dollars. Do you think he said, “baby let’s go half?” I laugh thinking about that now, he sat down waited for me to pull out my credit card and paid for that meal. At that moment I knew I was the man and he had to have been my b!tch.
Then after my demands for a normal relationship started to finally get to him, he explained that he wasn’t where he wanted to be in life so he wasn’t sure he could have been a good boyfriend to me. Thank you for telling me 2 years after the time. The thing is, since I was there so long, he expected me to stick around. Believe it or not, I was because I thought I’d found the right one, no one explained to me that what I was doing was taking care of a man that was old enough to take care of both of us.
I remember his birthday, I got another job in college, saved every penny just so he could have had the perfect birthday. Mind you all I got for my birthday was bags and shirts and hats, because all women want that right? Right!! Yeah anyway, so I went all out, stretch limos, spa date, scavenger hunt etc. When my birthday came, I got excited to see what I’d get back, and I even asked. Only to be told, “I don’t have the money.” So my response was to him I was in college all those years you’d get lavish gifts, only to get the same response.
Now I told you all this to say, when a man isn’t where he thinks he should be in life, you wind up with lots of wasted emotions and an angry heart. Believe it or not, it took me almost 5 years to let go of the hate and anguish caused by him. What made it worse is, I was too young to understand what his actions were telling me. I was blinded by “love” to notice that this man didn’t want a girlfriend, and I was simply convenience. When he finally wanted me, I was on my way out and when I left him I can truly say that I made an enemy. He hates me but I’d rather him hate me than to still be going through the emotional abuse that I had gone through for years.
That experience certainly made me stronger, but now I can assure other women that when a man is telling you he’d rather spend time with his boys, or you find yourself having to do things in a relationship that you wouldn’t do just to spend time with you, leave him faster than Nicole left OJ. The truth is, until he’s at that job he’s been planning to get, or his bank account is more than 100 dollars, you’re just another liability. AND any woman that reads this blog is a beautiful asset that deserves the moon and the stars. Love & Respect yourselves ladies!