Hey Lovelies!

It’s been a minute but truthfully I’ve been dealing with so many emotions that writing seemed to make it worse. But I’m back and excuse the emotion I don’t know where else to channel it without crying…yes I said it, crying. An emotion I only used when I’m either hurt or mad, in this case beyond angry is what it is.

I’m tired, how many times have you heard this being said from a black woman? LOL not to crack a joke but I had to break the mood. But I’m tired, I’m truly exhausted and I’m ready to take the first lesbian up on her offer. I’m in my mid-twenties, I understand women mature faster than men, but at this point in my life I rather not play any games. That’s the problem some men confuse game with playing games and think they have this figured out. Playing games is when you display signs of not being ready for something you have previously stated you were ready for, and when confronted telling a person what it is you think they want to hear. Game is being completely honest with that person with your actions and words and letting them decide on their own their course of action. Why we as men and women haven’t realized the stark differences, I’m not completely sure. But I wanted to clear that up for anyone that is playing games thinking they’re the man, you’re not you’re a child.

Why am I tired? I’m ready to settle down, I’m looking for love and a real commitment. But I seriously don’t remember relationships being so stressful. The last one I was in was almost 3 years ago and I don’t remember anything other than being happy I walked away.  But it is incredibly stressful dealing with someone who has expressed his readiness, treated you like a queen and is now sending you mixed signals. Maybe I’m too much of a pessimist, I look at this and I see someone who’s holding on to someone/something else while still holding on to you. Someone else, perhaps an optimist might see differently, who knows.

This takes me back to honesty, yes being honest hurts people, but I think I’ve said before I rather you be honest with me, hurt me and still have my respect. Rather than you lie to me continuously to “protect” me,  end up hurting me and I don’t ever want to speak to you again. But unfortunately it is sad that as a woman I can find women more likely to agree with this train of thought than men. I…..just….don’t….get…it.

Can someone help me out? Fill out a blank? What am I missing??

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