If I could start over, I’d ask you again if you were emotionally available. I wouldn’t take your word right away, I would watch you, I would listen to you and not accept anything you told me at face value.
We should always trust our men, but a man is human as well and sometimes he won’t ask for help but he is crying out for help in the best way he knows how to. Instead of thinking you just wanted a partner I should have realized that you were fresh out of a situation and you just needed a friend. If I could do it over I’d be that friend you need because I can’t be your friend right now, you’ve managed to cut me deeper in two months then anyone can do in three years.
I would ask you if you’d made peace with the people you’ve hurt and whether they’ve forgiven you or not. I would ask more questions about your ex, I’d like to know how damaged you are, if you apologized for hurting her and taking away years of her life that she can’t get back. I would ask you again if you were emotionally available.
I would ask you if you believed in giving people a fair chance or if every woman was the same in your mind. As I experienced a time in which I had to prove that I wasn’t like anything you’d seen before and for that you apologized.
I would watch you to see if you believed in keeping secrets or if you were open. Because I strive to be open with everyone especially my partner. You would have ultimately became my best friend, the person I trusted with my life, my dreams and fears. And you were on the way of becoming that.
See, I’m not a relationship expert nor am I the most perfect woman but I saw the best in you. Or maybe I fell for who I believed you to be. Maybe I was blinded by that person that I couldn’t see that you were damaged and you were struggling to start over without having anyone there. That you felt alone and needed someone to fill the space that had always been filled. If I could have seen that I wouldn’t be as hurt as I am right now.
If you were honest then, then we could have moved slow and not be where we are now. If you were as honest with me as I was with you about feelings I wouldn’t be as heartbroken as I am now. Longing to reach out to you but fighting for the last thread of self respect.
If I could start over I would realize that no matter how good of a woman I was or no matter how many times you told me I was awesome and you appreciated me, I would never be good enough because you aren’t ready.
I wouldn’t have subjected myself to this pain. I would have attempted to form a friendship based on nothing other than wanting to be there for you and if feelings developed I would have declined until we were both sure you were ready.
But I can’t start over but I can still pray for you and wish you the best. I believe you’re a good person that’s going through life making bad decisions. You should treat people how you’d want to be treated, you should never wish to hurt another. Always be sure of what you’re doing and if unsure talk about it.
If I could talk to you I would tell you I forgive you. You don’t need the burden of wondering if I’m upset or if I hate you. I don’t. I forgive you………