I'm a single girl dating in the city. Sometimes it's funny

Category Archives: Positive Living

 

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Hey Lovelies!

As you know I’ve been away and whereas I do have stories, I do have bits of wisdom I rather share with the single ladies and men that often read this blog.

Was reading Elite Daily and came across an article titled, “25 Ways to be a better man even if you can’t be a perfect one.” I liked it, I like when men are their best selves, it pushes women to rise up and be the best.

So I penned my own version, hope you enjoy!

1. Every morning you wake up, look in the mirror and flash yourself a million dollar smile.
As woman we often forget our worth, we forget how special we are to the right person. We get down on ourselves for small things, you don’t have to. Love starts with you. Flash yourself a smile and remember to love and enjoy every bit of your day.

2.  Dress as if you’re going to meet your future husband
Research proves that women who look good feel good. How many of you have gotten dressed to the core and walked into a room and felt as if everyone stopped to bow down to your greatness?

3. Exercise Daily.
Caribbean girls admittedly are thick as hell and gorgeous with it. But we can be thick and healthy. Take care of yourself, eat right but I’m not saying don’t eat the things you want to. We can’t take salads and gluten free food to our graves, but we can eat what we want in the right portions and take care of ourselves. Black women are susceptible to so many diseases, we don’t need to be another statistic.

4. Cook More – Learn New Dishes
People love Caribbean dishes more than we probably do. If you can’t cook, don’t admit it just learn how to do it. Learn new dishes, try new recipes and develop a talent for being in the kitchen. Your future self will thank you for it.

5. Call Your Loved Ones More
Life is funny, one day you’re here the next you aren’t. Call your loved ones more than once every blue moon. Send a text, a facebook message or even a two liner email. You’ll build better relations and it’ll make you feel good about yourself.

6. Reach out to other women
Women are combative, it’s weird to see two women that don’t know each other helping each other. We just don’t do that, but we should. We all have our experiences with men, no woman is above it. No matter how beautiful, smart or different you are, you will meet some man that will treat you like dirt. We have that in common. Reach out to a woman, offer her some advice or give her a kind word. It will go a long way.

7. Stop treating every man the same
Ladies, most of us can scream, “Men ain’t shit.” But how many of us can look past the fact we’ve been hurt and keep hopes up for the next man? It is hard, but every man deserves to be treated like he’s the last man you’ll ever date, even if he isn’t. Promise to stop meeting men with your carry on baggage (hate from previous men). If it didn’t work out, it won’t be because of you. You treated him like he was a new day.

8. Ask him out
We tend to date safely. If we have a feeling he won’t like us, we won’t ask him out. But life is about rejection and acceptance. Don’t go through life thinking what would have happened. Embrace every opportunity, if he doesn’t like you – on to the next one!

9. Follow Your Dreams
Most women reading this are either extremely talented or knows how to hustle. If you fall into these categories and you’re not following your dreams, just do it. Honestly, we’re in the entrepreneur age, people are trying their hands at everything- do it. The only thing that can happen is you fail, but if you fail you can turn that into a success. Seriously, make it happen.

10. Travel and Experience
Everyday put five dollars in a jar and save for dream vacations. Most women wait to travel the world with their man, why!? When you are perfectly ready for an experience of your lifetime? Book your flight, rent a car and a hotel and try new foods and new experiences. Love yourself to no limits and the right man will compliment what you’ve already been doing.

Love ya’ll xoxo


 

Hey Lovelies!!

I’m back! Sorry for the wait but thanks for the love while I was away, always a pleasure to read your comments.

We’ve all seen the memes about women who are faithful to a cheating but loyal man or women that are in relationships with single men. Yes, we’ve seen it and frankly I’m sick of seeing it.

Dating is funny, because you never know just who you are dating. You’re being faithful to someone who portrays himself as your man, but what you don’t know is in his second life, he’s married with two beautiful kids and a life you know nothing about. How could you know? This man lied to you, manipulated you and spun a tale that even Karrine Steffans would believe.

But society would have you believe its your fault as a woman. Because you trusted the wrong person, or you finally let down the same guards that they said would help you find love. If it were up to society, women would never know what to do. In one instance we’re told we won’t ever find a man if we don’t let down our guards and let someone in. Then in the next breath we’re told that it’s our fault that we were faithful to Mr. Liar, Liar because we trust too easily. Which is it? Are we ever truly the victims?

We have all been the victims one time or the other. But no matter how bad you feel or how angry you are, NEVER let that low down bastard stop you from becoming the woman you were destined to be. Sure you may see red every time another woman is hurt and you may stop your wonderful life to plan revenge but always remember it wasn’t you, it was him.

Everything he said was wrong about you or everything he said you were, was just his way of breaking free to save his skin. You’re still a beautiful, amazing and intelligent woman.

Take a break, fall in love with yourself and always remember you may not be what he had in mind to hide his secret life, but to someone you’re everything they could have asked for and more.

Love ya’ll! xoxo

 


Good Morning Lovelies,

And what a GOOD MORNING I plan on starting you guys with today. Please do take the time to enjoy my throwback courtesy of Profyle.

I’m glad we got the pleasantries out of the way, now I’d like to personally ask you for 10 minutes of your time to tell you of my epic discovery of the breed “mingy liars”. Yes, I did say mingy liars. Now I’d like to present exhibit A and quite frankly the only exhibit this story will need.

Exhibit A is secretly married, lives with his wife and several family members, has a baby  daughter, a job and his own business on the side. To the world he presents himself as a single father (go back and read that again)  that has several family members living with him and is doing well. To a young woman simply browsing, this is fine. Although, the majority of us would have preferred for him to not have a kid, but that’s another story for another post.

So he meets this young lady, spins lies about what he does, his background etc. He realizes she’s into the church so he invites her to church one day and attempts to win her affection. Deceptive, Deceptive, Deceptive.  However, stopping him is the young women’s ability to just jump into something. You see her past prevents her from jumping into the unknown without knowing the full details. God bless her for her experiences.

Let’s fast forward this story to where it gets interesting. In my previous post, I listed all a woman really wants in a man. Never did I include a liar and drama correct? Well exhibit A had Moet taste with a fountain water budget. Yes, on top of being deceptive he was cheap.  He expected her to pay for everything ranging from drinks to  lunches. Now, don’t misunderstand what I’m describing his situation to be as “all women want is men money.” Because that is incorrect. Most women make their own money and most women can take care of themselves. However, what no woman wants to do is have to support a man. Any man. We were bought up in a society that molded us into the thought that the male was the provider, that a man’s pride will not allow him to take from us or allow us to take care of him. That is the world we live in, so don’t get confused and start feeling yourself because it is not the case.

He lied uncontrollably about everything, it didn’t take long for her to decide enough was enough. Little did she know, courtesy of Exhibit A how deep in a web of deceit she was in . Shortly, she was told that not only was Exhibit A married but the same house that she had visited the wife lived in. That he wasn’t a single father and he was married to the mother of his child. Quite the opposite from telling her his baby mother and him were not together, and he had promised his mother before he made another child he would get married. He said he wasn’t married at his age because he was “good”. Whatever that meant..

The young woman was shocked beyond means not only by this newly acquired information but because of the fact that one of his friends had told the woman that exhibit A relayed that he had told her. He had told his friend that he briefed her about showing up unexpectedly among other things. Imagine her amazement. To her this was a friendship that had to come to an end, he wasn’t her type so she was done. But now people were looking at her as if she was a home-wrecker, a bad b*tch and simply loose. Poor Girl.

Now, this is where it gets real. In this world, women would cheat with you especially if you’re married because it means no attachment and no drama. Women are no longer fragile and against cheating, they’re doing it and better than most men. So knowing that, what is wrong with being honest. Let her know what she’s getting herself into. Give her the choice to “date” you or to leave you alone. Warn her! What if his wife had found out about her and came at her? She would have been caught off guard because all she knew was what he provided. But no, Exhibit A decided that he’d lie about it to see how much he could have gotten away with. Mingy Liar.

Now this brings us to the present. Women what are WE going to DO in this environment? Some of us are looking for something real, but we don’t know these people we date. We don’t know what kind of situations they’re putting us in, all we know is what we are told. How do we battle this?

My advice is keep it casual. There’s no real way of knowing who you are dating but keep it cool and friendly. DO your research, ask your friends if they know about this person, in fact use GOOGLE. People not just men are deceptive & you have to protect yourself. Go for a few dates, talk a lot, don’t be afraid to ask questions and do a follow up. You have a right! Dating is an audition into your life. You do not want to let an Exhibit A into your life. Even for friendships, you don’t need friends that can’t be honest with you.

Remember to always put you first.

Love ya’ll xoxo


Hey Lovelies,

Show appreciation

Show appreciation

I’ve been MIA, I know. I’ve had the worst case of writers block for the longest. But I’m back and boyyy do I have a lot to share with you guys. But can we first start with “appreciation”?

It’s one word, but it’s such a big word. And I really have to thank every man that has contributed to me being able to appreciate even the smallest things. As a woman, all I really want is consideration, appreciation, consistency and purpose. Being without it for so long, being the woman that was demanded of me from my exes, and doing without getting it back has given me the ability to appreciate even the smallest things.

Most women want to be showered with gifts, as a way for their men to show them they care. All I really want someone to do is appreciate me, be consistent with me, be considerate of my time, my feelings and efforts and love me regardless of the mistakes I’ve made. That’s all..Men say we don’t know what we want but if I can get that in the foundation the ending will be amazing.

Today as I was relaxing, a guy I’ve been talking to off and on for a year messaged me saying, “Just letting you know I’m sick that’s why I have been so quiet.” That line bought me close to tears. Do you know how many men take their women for granted!? Do you know how many men would have just laid in bed ignoring everything and doing for themselves? Do you know how many men made women feel like options because they lacked the consideration? I do…I felt like an option for so long for someone who was so busy but wanted something good, but didn’t wish to put in the time or effort. I’m free though, free from the bounds that held me to loving someone who couldn’t see past his own insecurities to give me the little things to make me feel secure.

But today, this guy genuinely made me cry. You can say I’ve been on the emotional side lately if that’s what made me cry. But being single isn’t easy, we come across different guys with different intentions but still not the one we’d give it all up for. That’s where I’m at.  But this just opened my heart and gave me a little more hope.

Even as women, we forget to say thank you, or to tell a man we appreciate them. They work so hard, well some of them, the good ones at least lol. The good ones work so hard to make us happy or to keep a smile on our face, would saying, “Baby I appreciate you” hurt? Would telling him thank you hurt? Or better yet, show him that you appreciate him, words can say whatever we need them to, but our actions and our heart express a bit more than we ever know.

SO show someone you appreciate them.  I know I had to tell this man how much he warmed my heart by considering me, because truthfully I’ve grown out of expecting anything and now I’m smiling.

Oh Yeah! And to my faithful readers, thank you for sticking with me. I’m just an anonymous woman from the Caribbean writing. When I started I had no idea if anyone would be interested in anything I had to say and I do get tweets and comments showing appreciation. Thank you!

I’ll be back this week with a couple posts about men who lie….the topic we all know so well.

 

Love ya’ll xoxoxo


Hey Lovelies,

Pray for our men

I know you didn’t think I’d be back so quick, but “SourPuss” posts bought me back here instantly, to say this…We’re losing men at a serious rate. And not black men but our men, our good Caribbean men that white women brag about.

But I’m not here to rant about how black men take up jails, how the rates of them graduating are low- I’m here to talk about men when it comes to women. In SourPuss post’s she talked about being told that she was of the same nationality that the young man was trying to avoid. And I laughed. A woman is a woman. Your background determines how you deal with men.

Now being of the Caribbean origin myself, yes we are feisty.  We are aggressive but it’s not because we want to drive away other men that may have an interest in us, it’s because men of our backgrounds have made us this way. In the Caribbean, cheating is almost a way of life. People in our region have grown to accept cheating like they’ve grown to accept weed, everyone’s doing it so it isn’t wrong. This is why a lot of us choose to date outside the Caribbean origin.

Personally, Single Island Gal does NOT want another Caribbean man again. Sure, they’re appealing, they’re good looking, some of them keep themselves well. But other than that what else do they really have to offer us? And while I’m not saying every Caribbean man is like the ones we have described, it’s the same cycle and no one has the testicular fortitude to break it.

Every woman once in her life has had to pay the price for what another woman did to a man and has had to shown that they were different.  Once that happened, some men still decide to treat her like the other women and a rare amount cherish her. That’s the same cycle, we’ve grown to put men in.

Caribbean men contribute to who we are, but if you ask them they’d say the women aren’t any good, well I can say the same about the men. While it may not have been you, a man, a Caribbean man has disregarded a woman, treated her like she was dispensable and failed to recognize while she may not have had it all, she was a strong woman who was devoted to her man and gave him everything only to get nothing back in return. But it’s okay right? Because they’re men.

No, it’s not okay. Society teaches us to value men as the head of the household, the king but what about the woman? What about the woman who raises her man children that he had while he was with her, what about the woman who deals with hearing reports about her man out with his “sweetheart”, what about the woman that has to wear protection with her husband because she knows what he’s doing? This woman has to mold herself into the type of woman that her children can at least be proud of, she has to realize that this man is a product of his environment, which teaches him to mistreat a woman and he isn’t man enough to raise above it.  She then learns from her experiences, doesn’t allow any man to run over her, doesn’t allow a man to be inconsistent, she demands what she gives….because it is her right. Isn’t it?

Even in the Bible, we’re to stand behind our men. So let’s pray for our men. It doesn’t matter how many good women are presented to them, until a man realizes life is unpredictable and chances are rare he will not stand up and be more of a male. He will always treat women like they are dispensable, always chase hoes rather than his goals, always disrespect himself and more importantly his partner and will never recognize the value of a good woman until he can’t get one.

No matter how good we as Caribbean women are, we will never be good enough when paired off with a Caribbean man. So what do we do? Pray for the men that we are losing and pray for the younger generation that they stand up and do what’s right and realize that they didn’t come from a man, but a woman. It would be nice if men treated women how they’d like their mom to be treated?  Just a thought.

 

Love ya’ll xoxo