Yesterday I was told if I dated out my race, that I was a sell out, so here I am venting.
Did I miss the opportunity to subscribe to the “black women’s handbook”? Where is the rule that says that I cannot and should not date out of my race? I suppose because I was born black I should stick to what I know? What if I was born black but raised around white people, then do I dated mixed because I suppose that makes the most sense? Right..
Most of us have already been exposed to what the opposite gender has to offer, but for the single ones we’re still browsing. We are well aware that the negatives and positives of men come in every color, ethnicity and race, so it’s not as if I’m potentially dating a white man to escape the negatives of the black race. I just made a decision to try everything once before I knock it entirely. I can’t knock a white man if I dated them and loved them, it is simply a preference.
Why does it even matter ? Don’t we all wish for happiness? What if you met a man that understood you perfectly, treated you like a queen, worshiped the ground you walk on and puts Christ first? Would you turn him down because he’s not of your race, would you really risk your one chance at true happiness because he’s not what you’re used to? If you said yes to turning him down, you have the potential to be a clown and lonely forever, congratulations.
However, I get it. Underlying race issues stem from racial issues that date back to slavery. A lot of black people associate interracial dating with violent issues as slave masters used to rape black women and a lot of people can’t accept the fact that this is the past and like everything else, we must let go. Then there’s the issue of empowering and black love, two theories that have nothing to do with the issue itself.
I can be an empowered black woman by realizing that love knows no color or race, that feelings or emotions do not see color or race and ultimately taking the step to date outside of my race. I can experience REAL LOVE without it being labeled black love or interracial love because in my mind, I’m not restrained by issues of race or color- all I want is the best and I’ll take it in any color as long as it is real!
Way I see it, is once you’re happy in your life what race or ethnicity someone dates or someone prefers to date isn’t your business at all. I can admit I used to be a little bothered seeing black men date white women then I realized my insecurity came from my insecurity regarding my value. A lot of the times when we’re bothered by who someone chooses to dates it speaks volumes about the battles we’re facing internally. At the same time my issues were hypocritical, because I had previously dated white guys and saw no issue, but when it came to seeing black men with white women, I felt offended as if it was personal. I dealt with my issues and now I can’t even borrow a care to give about who dates who; it is quite frankly none of my business and I wish that everyone somehow finds happiness.
Then there’s the joke that maybe I can’t handle a strong black man and I find it hilarious. I can handle any man strong or weak that comes my way, but a man isn’t defined by his race and more often than not it’s the man and not the race. For example; meet Jay-John Turner, clearly from the first name he’s black (haha) and he’s by society’s standard a strong black man but we just don’t get along. It has nothing to do with him being undeniably strong, we just don’t match. Breaking away from Jay-John has nothing to do with him being black and strong but it has everything to do with his personality and who he is! This is a heavy criticism from angry black men when I mention that I’m very open to interracial dating. As a black man calling women weak and criticizing the fact that she made a decision for her happiness doesn’t make us want to stay and date you guys. Well at least it doesn’t make me want to stay, it makes me look harder! It shows the insecurity that black men still have with white men and the battle they must be fighting within. I’d really hate to harbor all that hate for someone I don’t even know based on their skin color. Ish is just sad..
At the end of the day, a lot of ya’ll need to chill and face the facts!! White men are dating black women and enjoying them. Some white men do not even consider white women because of the awe and admiration they have for black sisters. They see the strength, the power and the struggles and desire to be with one. I don’t even know the last time I’ve heard a black man desire a black woman like that. Most black men are always talking about that pu$$y and the blocks etc, etc.
Time to get back to seeing women for the beauty they are and loving them regardless of their choices. Or else black men will find themselves losing “their” black women to other races.
You’re not a sell out because you believe in finding happiness and looking beyond someone’s color and race, you’re open minded and intelligent. You shouldn’t be bullied or criticized for your choices because at the end of the day when you find happiness, the people that criticized you will still be mad and guess what? Let them be, they have loads to work on.
—Here ends my rant–
Love ya’ll xoxo
Good Morning Lovelies,
And what a GOOD MORNING I plan on starting you guys with today. Please do take the time to enjoy my throwback courtesy of Profyle.
I’m glad we got the pleasantries out of the way, now I’d like to personally ask you for 10 minutes of your time to tell you of my epic discovery of the breed “mingy liars”. Yes, I did say mingy liars. Now I’d like to present exhibit A and quite frankly the only exhibit this story will need.
Exhibit A is secretly married, lives with his wife and several family members, has a baby daughter, a job and his own business on the side. To the world he presents himself as a single father (go back and read that again) that has several family members living with him and is doing well. To a young woman simply browsing, this is fine. Although, the majority of us would have preferred for him to not have a kid, but that’s another story for another post.
So he meets this young lady, spins lies about what he does, his background etc. He realizes she’s into the church so he invites her to church one day and attempts to win her affection. Deceptive, Deceptive, Deceptive. However, stopping him is the young women’s ability to just jump into something. You see her past prevents her from jumping into the unknown without knowing the full details. God bless her for her experiences.
Let’s fast forward this story to where it gets interesting. In my previous post, I listed all a woman really wants in a man. Never did I include a liar and drama correct? Well exhibit A had Moet taste with a fountain water budget. Yes, on top of being deceptive he was cheap. He expected her to pay for everything ranging from drinks to lunches. Now, don’t misunderstand what I’m describing his situation to be as “all women want is men money.” Because that is incorrect. Most women make their own money and most women can take care of themselves. However, what no woman wants to do is have to support a man. Any man. We were bought up in a society that molded us into the thought that the male was the provider, that a man’s pride will not allow him to take from us or allow us to take care of him. That is the world we live in, so don’t get confused and start feeling yourself because it is not the case.
He lied uncontrollably about everything, it didn’t take long for her to decide enough was enough. Little did she know, courtesy of Exhibit A how deep in a web of deceit she was in . Shortly, she was told that not only was Exhibit A married but the same house that she had visited the wife lived in. That he wasn’t a single father and he was married to the mother of his child. Quite the opposite from telling her his baby mother and him were not together, and he had promised his mother before he made another child he would get married. He said he wasn’t married at his age because he was “good”. Whatever that meant..
The young woman was shocked beyond means not only by this newly acquired information but because of the fact that one of his friends had told the woman that exhibit A relayed that he had told her. He had told his friend that he briefed her about showing up unexpectedly among other things. Imagine her amazement. To her this was a friendship that had to come to an end, he wasn’t her type so she was done. But now people were looking at her as if she was a home-wrecker, a bad b*tch and simply loose. Poor Girl.
Now, this is where it gets real. In this world, women would cheat with you especially if you’re married because it means no attachment and no drama. Women are no longer fragile and against cheating, they’re doing it and better than most men. So knowing that, what is wrong with being honest. Let her know what she’s getting herself into. Give her the choice to “date” you or to leave you alone. Warn her! What if his wife had found out about her and came at her? She would have been caught off guard because all she knew was what he provided. But no, Exhibit A decided that he’d lie about it to see how much he could have gotten away with. Mingy Liar.
Now this brings us to the present. Women what are WE going to DO in this environment? Some of us are looking for something real, but we don’t know these people we date. We don’t know what kind of situations they’re putting us in, all we know is what we are told. How do we battle this?
My advice is keep it casual. There’s no real way of knowing who you are dating but keep it cool and friendly. DO your research, ask your friends if they know about this person, in fact use GOOGLE. People not just men are deceptive & you have to protect yourself. Go for a few dates, talk a lot, don’t be afraid to ask questions and do a follow up. You have a right! Dating is an audition into your life. You do not want to let an Exhibit A into your life. Even for friendships, you don’t need friends that can’t be honest with you.
Remember to always put you first.
Love ya’ll xoxo
Hope everyone is doing okay. I woke up this morning, bothered. I hate excuses! Period! If I don’t want to do something I’ll tell you so when it comes up you won’t be harassing me to do it, because I told you. But honesty only goes so far because it’s such a lonely word.
When it comes to men, has anyone ever noticed that men are nicer than women? Women would cut off a male without regarding his feelings. Whereas men have this “don’t burn your bridges” ideal. They’d stay friends with someone that they didn’t like in order not to hurt their feelings.
For example, let’s take John. He’s in a new relationship, he’s told his girlfriend that he doesn’t keep female friends, but there’s this one girl let’s call her Justine that keeps calling. When you question him, first he doesn’t know who that is, then you wait a month and he knows her. They were an item before you, he had told you about her before but what you couldn’t get is why he didn’t just say that. Why lie to you, risk losing your trust when it would have been easier to admit that he knew her? Furthermore, why is Justine still calling and texting you? Why is it men can be with another woman, but doesn’t care to tell the other women in his past that he’s moved on? Why keep this friendship going, but if the woman did that it’d be a problem. I hate the bullshit!
SO I went over all the excuses I’ve ever heard from a man and I’ve taken the liberty of decoding them into what they should say but for some reason lack the balls.
- I’m not ready for a relationship: SIG Interpretation: What is ready? You wait for ready you’ll never be ready. What he’s saying is, I want the extraordinary but I’m not prepared to put in the work. I want the girl and all that comes with it, but I wish to do my part when it’s convenient. So when she’s realizes I’m not fully in, I’ll feed her that excuse. Because I’m comfortable in my mediocrity, it’s not that I don’t like her, I don’t like her enough to get past my own insecurities and do something I’ve never done to get what I’ve never had. It’s really not her fault, I’m just a mediocre man prepared to live this way until I can make shit happen.
- I moved too fast: SIG Interpretation: For a moment I thought I could have done what I failed to do in the past and be a man, but I realized your expectations of me is more than I’m willing to give to anyone. I’m too damn selfish and I’m still as mediocre as ever.
- I’m not ready for anything: SIG Interpretation: I’m a coward. I want love but I’m not prepared to put in the work with you.
- I didn’t expect for us to move so fast: SIG Interpretation: Laugh My Fat Ass Off. Even I stopped on this. Usually when people say they want something real, they’re not saying it to be heard but they know they deserve something real. Why when it comes along you tell yourself, you didn’t expect for it to move so fast. There aren’t that many real people out there, when you’ve convinced a woman you’re real, she will not act lackadaisical she will claim you as her man and treat you as you wish to be treated. All I’m getting is, I’m a DAMN COWARD from that statement.
- I don’t have female friends: SIG Interpretation: Well alright then. So what you mean is you get females numbers, lead them on, f-k them, keep communication for the next time you’re lonely but they’re not your friends. Yeah okay, we see you dude. In other words, I f-k females but when I’m in public I don’t address them, I learned this from being a player.
- She keeps calling, but I’m not interested. SIG Interpretation: Word? In 2013, we can block numbers or go to our phone company and block it. Even so, as a man you can tell someone you’re not interested. In other words, she keeps calling because I keep answering the call. I keep answering the phone because I don’t burn bridges as a man.
- I was busy: SIG Interpretation: We can understand this, we get busy too. But no one ever is too busy, if something is important to you, you’ll make time if not you’ll make excuses. In other words, you’re not on my list of priorities, I’ll get to you when I’m not doing anything.
I try to block BS out of my head, so I stopped at number 7. If you have anymore to add to the list, send it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org . But the moral of this women is KNOW YOUR WORTH. Because I guarantee you will find a man that will make you question your worth, or who you are every time.
Love ya’ll xoxox
Excuse me, would you like some sun? Cause you’re shady as f-k.
Single Island Gal here again. I know ya’ll didn’t think I was done for the night. Cause I’m not, but hopefully after this I’m done.
Drake said it best, “I still don’t have time for an iffy bitch.” In this case, I still don’t have time for an iffy man. Okay, peep this. As a woman I’ll be the first to tell you, I’m moody, I have my days where I feel fat, some days I’m insecure and this list can go on. But I lay out my faults out there and I do not run from them. If you can’t accept me at my worst, you don’t deserve at my best. Now with that being said, it doesn’t take much to turn me off and away from people especially men.
As it stands, I’m single, I don’t trust men, I’m bitter, I’m jealous and I’m jaded and I have EVERY reason to be that way. But I don’t show everything I just named to people. When it comes to dating people would describe me as an optimist. I believe in happy endings, I believe that some man some day will show you why it didn’t work with others. I give people chances, sometimes second and third chances, but because of this weakness I can be the first to tell you watch what you do or say around me, I will cut you quick and I wouldn’t f-k with you.
Now, on to the topic of a shady man. Being shady is the ONE thing I hate. I always, write to you guys about honesty in a man. I value it, I cherish it, even if it’ll hurt me I rather respect the absolute crap of you than hate you because you lied to me and disregarded my feelings. I’m honest with everything I do when I’m with someone because I know and strongly believe that perception is everything. You may not be doing anything, but if someone sees something that they don’t deem as good or honest, then shit can hit the fan. So I give you all my friends, I tell you when and where I’m going because I’m respectful. Do I expect it back? HELL YES.
In regards of anything I do as a courtesy to you and your feelings, I expect it back even though we’re not the same people. I believe when you step to someone and say you want to be with them, you put their feelings on a pedestal and treat them in that way. Now with all of this being said, we live in a free world, well some of us. But if you don’t want to do something, say it. Are we in middle school where I’m avoiding answering you because I don’t want to hurt you? Are we back in the sand pit where you ask me a question but I don’t want to be your friend so I leave you in the sandpit to play with the weeds in the back of the school yard?
If you’re going to profess to being a man and a woman, you need to be real with yourself first and foremost. Stop doing things that will make someone question your true intentions, tell someone what your intentions are and if you feel you’re going to stray from that, leave them alone. I don’t get how you want to stress someone about the validity of a relationship and whether they can be true to you, but you can’t even be true to yourself about the type of person you are.
I am so used to women being shady, I didn’t even realize men were like this too. Everyone can’t be real and honest though and this is something as an adult I need to accept. I can write about this, make jokes, talk about someone in this very blog but until I realize that not everyone has the fortitude to be a man or a woman I will forever be affected by this.
But then again, I am a really finicky person. In saying this, it may not have been your intention to be shady but I read your actions as that and I will step back. We could be talking or we could be best friends, if you show me that you act a certain way when I interact with you, honey boo take this to your priest in confession, I WILL NEVER ask the same thing again. In fact, if we even speak again, would be a joke. I’m too real and honest for bullshit, my patience can’t deal with it and neither can my blood pressure.
I just can’t take you saying and doing one thing, but then at another time and point everything reads SHADY ABOUT YOU. I think I’m going to look into becoming a lesbian now, I’m really sick of this.
I’m out lovelies. xoxoxo