Yesterday I was told if I dated out my race, that I was a sell out, so here I am venting.
Did I miss the opportunity to subscribe to the “black women’s handbook”? Where is the rule that says that I cannot and should not date out of my race? I suppose because I was born black I should stick to what I know? What if I was born black but raised around white people, then do I dated mixed because I suppose that makes the most sense? Right..
Most of us have already been exposed to what the opposite gender has to offer, but for the single ones we’re still browsing. We are well aware that the negatives and positives of men come in every color, ethnicity and race, so it’s not as if I’m potentially dating a white man to escape the negatives of the black race. I just made a decision to try everything once before I knock it entirely. I can’t knock a white man if I dated them and loved them, it is simply a preference.
Why does it even matter ? Don’t we all wish for happiness? What if you met a man that understood you perfectly, treated you like a queen, worshiped the ground you walk on and puts Christ first? Would you turn him down because he’s not of your race, would you really risk your one chance at true happiness because he’s not what you’re used to? If you said yes to turning him down, you have the potential to be a clown and lonely forever, congratulations.
However, I get it. Underlying race issues stem from racial issues that date back to slavery. A lot of black people associate interracial dating with violent issues as slave masters used to rape black women and a lot of people can’t accept the fact that this is the past and like everything else, we must let go. Then there’s the issue of empowering and black love, two theories that have nothing to do with the issue itself.
I can be an empowered black woman by realizing that love knows no color or race, that feelings or emotions do not see color or race and ultimately taking the step to date outside of my race. I can experience REAL LOVE without it being labeled black love or interracial love because in my mind, I’m not restrained by issues of race or color- all I want is the best and I’ll take it in any color as long as it is real!
Way I see it, is once you’re happy in your life what race or ethnicity someone dates or someone prefers to date isn’t your business at all. I can admit I used to be a little bothered seeing black men date white women then I realized my insecurity came from my insecurity regarding my value. A lot of the times when we’re bothered by who someone chooses to dates it speaks volumes about the battles we’re facing internally. At the same time my issues were hypocritical, because I had previously dated white guys and saw no issue, but when it came to seeing black men with white women, I felt offended as if it was personal. I dealt with my issues and now I can’t even borrow a care to give about who dates who; it is quite frankly none of my business and I wish that everyone somehow finds happiness.
Then there’s the joke that maybe I can’t handle a strong black man and I find it hilarious. I can handle any man strong or weak that comes my way, but a man isn’t defined by his race and more often than not it’s the man and not the race. For example; meet Jay-John Turner, clearly from the first name he’s black (haha) and he’s by society’s standard a strong black man but we just don’t get along. It has nothing to do with him being undeniably strong, we just don’t match. Breaking away from Jay-John has nothing to do with him being black and strong but it has everything to do with his personality and who he is! This is a heavy criticism from angry black men when I mention that I’m very open to interracial dating. As a black man calling women weak and criticizing the fact that she made a decision for her happiness doesn’t make us want to stay and date you guys. Well at least it doesn’t make me want to stay, it makes me look harder! It shows the insecurity that black men still have with white men and the battle they must be fighting within. I’d really hate to harbor all that hate for someone I don’t even know based on their skin color. Ish is just sad..
At the end of the day, a lot of ya’ll need to chill and face the facts!! White men are dating black women and enjoying them. Some white men do not even consider white women because of the awe and admiration they have for black sisters. They see the strength, the power and the struggles and desire to be with one. I don’t even know the last time I’ve heard a black man desire a black woman like that. Most black men are always talking about that pu$$y and the blocks etc, etc.
Time to get back to seeing women for the beauty they are and loving them regardless of their choices. Or else black men will find themselves losing “their” black women to other races.
You’re not a sell out because you believe in finding happiness and looking beyond someone’s color and race, you’re open minded and intelligent. You shouldn’t be bullied or criticized for your choices because at the end of the day when you find happiness, the people that criticized you will still be mad and guess what? Let them be, they have loads to work on.
—Here ends my rant–
Love ya’ll xoxo
Good Morning Lovelies,
And what a GOOD MORNING I plan on starting you guys with today. Please do take the time to enjoy my throwback courtesy of Profyle.
I’m glad we got the pleasantries out of the way, now I’d like to personally ask you for 10 minutes of your time to tell you of my epic discovery of the breed “mingy liars”. Yes, I did say mingy liars. Now I’d like to present exhibit A and quite frankly the only exhibit this story will need.
Exhibit A is secretly married, lives with his wife and several family members, has a baby daughter, a job and his own business on the side. To the world he presents himself as a single father (go back and read that again) that has several family members living with him and is doing well. To a young woman simply browsing, this is fine. Although, the majority of us would have preferred for him to not have a kid, but that’s another story for another post.
So he meets this young lady, spins lies about what he does, his background etc. He realizes she’s into the church so he invites her to church one day and attempts to win her affection. Deceptive, Deceptive, Deceptive. However, stopping him is the young women’s ability to just jump into something. You see her past prevents her from jumping into the unknown without knowing the full details. God bless her for her experiences.
Let’s fast forward this story to where it gets interesting. In my previous post, I listed all a woman really wants in a man. Never did I include a liar and drama correct? Well exhibit A had Moet taste with a fountain water budget. Yes, on top of being deceptive he was cheap. He expected her to pay for everything ranging from drinks to lunches. Now, don’t misunderstand what I’m describing his situation to be as “all women want is men money.” Because that is incorrect. Most women make their own money and most women can take care of themselves. However, what no woman wants to do is have to support a man. Any man. We were bought up in a society that molded us into the thought that the male was the provider, that a man’s pride will not allow him to take from us or allow us to take care of him. That is the world we live in, so don’t get confused and start feeling yourself because it is not the case.
He lied uncontrollably about everything, it didn’t take long for her to decide enough was enough. Little did she know, courtesy of Exhibit A how deep in a web of deceit she was in . Shortly, she was told that not only was Exhibit A married but the same house that she had visited the wife lived in. That he wasn’t a single father and he was married to the mother of his child. Quite the opposite from telling her his baby mother and him were not together, and he had promised his mother before he made another child he would get married. He said he wasn’t married at his age because he was “good”. Whatever that meant..
The young woman was shocked beyond means not only by this newly acquired information but because of the fact that one of his friends had told the woman that exhibit A relayed that he had told her. He had told his friend that he briefed her about showing up unexpectedly among other things. Imagine her amazement. To her this was a friendship that had to come to an end, he wasn’t her type so she was done. But now people were looking at her as if she was a home-wrecker, a bad b*tch and simply loose. Poor Girl.
Now, this is where it gets real. In this world, women would cheat with you especially if you’re married because it means no attachment and no drama. Women are no longer fragile and against cheating, they’re doing it and better than most men. So knowing that, what is wrong with being honest. Let her know what she’s getting herself into. Give her the choice to “date” you or to leave you alone. Warn her! What if his wife had found out about her and came at her? She would have been caught off guard because all she knew was what he provided. But no, Exhibit A decided that he’d lie about it to see how much he could have gotten away with. Mingy Liar.
Now this brings us to the present. Women what are WE going to DO in this environment? Some of us are looking for something real, but we don’t know these people we date. We don’t know what kind of situations they’re putting us in, all we know is what we are told. How do we battle this?
My advice is keep it casual. There’s no real way of knowing who you are dating but keep it cool and friendly. DO your research, ask your friends if they know about this person, in fact use GOOGLE. People not just men are deceptive & you have to protect yourself. Go for a few dates, talk a lot, don’t be afraid to ask questions and do a follow up. You have a right! Dating is an audition into your life. You do not want to let an Exhibit A into your life. Even for friendships, you don’t need friends that can’t be honest with you.
Remember to always put you first.
Love ya’ll xoxo
I’ve been MIA, I know. I’ve had the worst case of writers block for the longest. But I’m back and boyyy do I have a lot to share with you guys. But can we first start with “appreciation”?
It’s one word, but it’s such a big word. And I really have to thank every man that has contributed to me being able to appreciate even the smallest things. As a woman, all I really want is consideration, appreciation, consistency and purpose. Being without it for so long, being the woman that was demanded of me from my exes, and doing without getting it back has given me the ability to appreciate even the smallest things.
Most women want to be showered with gifts, as a way for their men to show them they care. All I really want someone to do is appreciate me, be consistent with me, be considerate of my time, my feelings and efforts and love me regardless of the mistakes I’ve made. That’s all..Men say we don’t know what we want but if I can get that in the foundation the ending will be amazing.
Today as I was relaxing, a guy I’ve been talking to off and on for a year messaged me saying, “Just letting you know I’m sick that’s why I have been so quiet.” That line bought me close to tears. Do you know how many men take their women for granted!? Do you know how many men would have just laid in bed ignoring everything and doing for themselves? Do you know how many men made women feel like options because they lacked the consideration? I do…I felt like an option for so long for someone who was so busy but wanted something good, but didn’t wish to put in the time or effort. I’m free though, free from the bounds that held me to loving someone who couldn’t see past his own insecurities to give me the little things to make me feel secure.
But today, this guy genuinely made me cry. You can say I’ve been on the emotional side lately if that’s what made me cry. But being single isn’t easy, we come across different guys with different intentions but still not the one we’d give it all up for. That’s where I’m at. But this just opened my heart and gave me a little more hope.
Even as women, we forget to say thank you, or to tell a man we appreciate them. They work so hard, well some of them, the good ones at least lol. The good ones work so hard to make us happy or to keep a smile on our face, would saying, “Baby I appreciate you” hurt? Would telling him thank you hurt? Or better yet, show him that you appreciate him, words can say whatever we need them to, but our actions and our heart express a bit more than we ever know.
SO show someone you appreciate them. I know I had to tell this man how much he warmed my heart by considering me, because truthfully I’ve grown out of expecting anything and now I’m smiling.
Oh Yeah! And to my faithful readers, thank you for sticking with me. I’m just an anonymous woman from the Caribbean writing. When I started I had no idea if anyone would be interested in anything I had to say and I do get tweets and comments showing appreciation. Thank you!
I’ll be back this week with a couple posts about men who lie….the topic we all know so well.
Love ya’ll xoxoxo
Hope everyone is doing okay. I woke up this morning, bothered. I hate excuses! Period! If I don’t want to do something I’ll tell you so when it comes up you won’t be harassing me to do it, because I told you. But honesty only goes so far because it’s such a lonely word.
When it comes to men, has anyone ever noticed that men are nicer than women? Women would cut off a male without regarding his feelings. Whereas men have this “don’t burn your bridges” ideal. They’d stay friends with someone that they didn’t like in order not to hurt their feelings.
For example, let’s take John. He’s in a new relationship, he’s told his girlfriend that he doesn’t keep female friends, but there’s this one girl let’s call her Justine that keeps calling. When you question him, first he doesn’t know who that is, then you wait a month and he knows her. They were an item before you, he had told you about her before but what you couldn’t get is why he didn’t just say that. Why lie to you, risk losing your trust when it would have been easier to admit that he knew her? Furthermore, why is Justine still calling and texting you? Why is it men can be with another woman, but doesn’t care to tell the other women in his past that he’s moved on? Why keep this friendship going, but if the woman did that it’d be a problem. I hate the bullshit!
SO I went over all the excuses I’ve ever heard from a man and I’ve taken the liberty of decoding them into what they should say but for some reason lack the balls.
- I’m not ready for a relationship: SIG Interpretation: What is ready? You wait for ready you’ll never be ready. What he’s saying is, I want the extraordinary but I’m not prepared to put in the work. I want the girl and all that comes with it, but I wish to do my part when it’s convenient. So when she’s realizes I’m not fully in, I’ll feed her that excuse. Because I’m comfortable in my mediocrity, it’s not that I don’t like her, I don’t like her enough to get past my own insecurities and do something I’ve never done to get what I’ve never had. It’s really not her fault, I’m just a mediocre man prepared to live this way until I can make shit happen.
- I moved too fast: SIG Interpretation: For a moment I thought I could have done what I failed to do in the past and be a man, but I realized your expectations of me is more than I’m willing to give to anyone. I’m too damn selfish and I’m still as mediocre as ever.
- I’m not ready for anything: SIG Interpretation: I’m a coward. I want love but I’m not prepared to put in the work with you.
- I didn’t expect for us to move so fast: SIG Interpretation: Laugh My Fat Ass Off. Even I stopped on this. Usually when people say they want something real, they’re not saying it to be heard but they know they deserve something real. Why when it comes along you tell yourself, you didn’t expect for it to move so fast. There aren’t that many real people out there, when you’ve convinced a woman you’re real, she will not act lackadaisical she will claim you as her man and treat you as you wish to be treated. All I’m getting is, I’m a DAMN COWARD from that statement.
- I don’t have female friends: SIG Interpretation: Well alright then. So what you mean is you get females numbers, lead them on, f-k them, keep communication for the next time you’re lonely but they’re not your friends. Yeah okay, we see you dude. In other words, I f-k females but when I’m in public I don’t address them, I learned this from being a player.
- She keeps calling, but I’m not interested. SIG Interpretation: Word? In 2013, we can block numbers or go to our phone company and block it. Even so, as a man you can tell someone you’re not interested. In other words, she keeps calling because I keep answering the call. I keep answering the phone because I don’t burn bridges as a man.
- I was busy: SIG Interpretation: We can understand this, we get busy too. But no one ever is too busy, if something is important to you, you’ll make time if not you’ll make excuses. In other words, you’re not on my list of priorities, I’ll get to you when I’m not doing anything.
I try to block BS out of my head, so I stopped at number 7. If you have anymore to add to the list, send it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org . But the moral of this women is KNOW YOUR WORTH. Because I guarantee you will find a man that will make you question your worth, or who you are every time.
Love ya’ll xoxox
I know you didn’t think I’d be back so quick, but “SourPuss” posts bought me back here instantly, to say this…We’re losing men at a serious rate. And not black men but our men, our good Caribbean men that white women brag about.
But I’m not here to rant about how black men take up jails, how the rates of them graduating are low- I’m here to talk about men when it comes to women. In SourPuss post’s she talked about being told that she was of the same nationality that the young man was trying to avoid. And I laughed. A woman is a woman. Your background determines how you deal with men.
Now being of the Caribbean origin myself, yes we are feisty. We are aggressive but it’s not because we want to drive away other men that may have an interest in us, it’s because men of our backgrounds have made us this way. In the Caribbean, cheating is almost a way of life. People in our region have grown to accept cheating like they’ve grown to accept weed, everyone’s doing it so it isn’t wrong. This is why a lot of us choose to date outside the Caribbean origin.
Personally, Single Island Gal does NOT want another Caribbean man again. Sure, they’re appealing, they’re good looking, some of them keep themselves well. But other than that what else do they really have to offer us? And while I’m not saying every Caribbean man is like the ones we have described, it’s the same cycle and no one has the testicular fortitude to break it.
Every woman once in her life has had to pay the price for what another woman did to a man and has had to shown that they were different. Once that happened, some men still decide to treat her like the other women and a rare amount cherish her. That’s the same cycle, we’ve grown to put men in.
Caribbean men contribute to who we are, but if you ask them they’d say the women aren’t any good, well I can say the same about the men. While it may not have been you, a man, a Caribbean man has disregarded a woman, treated her like she was dispensable and failed to recognize while she may not have had it all, she was a strong woman who was devoted to her man and gave him everything only to get nothing back in return. But it’s okay right? Because they’re men.
No, it’s not okay. Society teaches us to value men as the head of the household, the king but what about the woman? What about the woman who raises her man children that he had while he was with her, what about the woman who deals with hearing reports about her man out with his “sweetheart”, what about the woman that has to wear protection with her husband because she knows what he’s doing? This woman has to mold herself into the type of woman that her children can at least be proud of, she has to realize that this man is a product of his environment, which teaches him to mistreat a woman and he isn’t man enough to raise above it. She then learns from her experiences, doesn’t allow any man to run over her, doesn’t allow a man to be inconsistent, she demands what she gives….because it is her right. Isn’t it?
Even in the Bible, we’re to stand behind our men. So let’s pray for our men. It doesn’t matter how many good women are presented to them, until a man realizes life is unpredictable and chances are rare he will not stand up and be more of a male. He will always treat women like they are dispensable, always chase hoes rather than his goals, always disrespect himself and more importantly his partner and will never recognize the value of a good woman until he can’t get one.
No matter how good we as Caribbean women are, we will never be good enough when paired off with a Caribbean man. So what do we do? Pray for the men that we are losing and pray for the younger generation that they stand up and do what’s right and realize that they didn’t come from a man, but a woman. It would be nice if men treated women how they’d like their mom to be treated? Just a thought.
Love ya’ll xoxo