I'm a single girl dating in the city. Sometimes it's funny

Appreciation

Hey Lovelies,

Show appreciation

Show appreciation

I’ve been MIA, I know. I’ve had the worst case of writers block for the longest. But I’m back and boyyy do I have a lot to share with you guys. But can we first start with “appreciation”?

It’s one word, but it’s such a big word. And I really have to thank every man that has contributed to me being able to appreciate even the smallest things. As a woman, all I really want is consideration, appreciation, consistency and purpose. Being without it for so long, being the woman that was demanded of me from my exes, and doing without getting it back has given me the ability to appreciate even the smallest things.

Most women want to be showered with gifts, as a way for their men to show them they care. All I really want someone to do is appreciate me, be consistent with me, be considerate of my time, my feelings and efforts and love me regardless of the mistakes I’ve made. That’s all..Men say we don’t know what we want but if I can get that in the foundation the ending will be amazing.

Today as I was relaxing, a guy I’ve been talking to off and on for a year messaged me saying, “Just letting you know I’m sick that’s why I have been so quiet.” That line bought me close to tears. Do you know how many men take their women for granted!? Do you know how many men would have just laid in bed ignoring everything and doing for themselves? Do you know how many men made women feel like options because they lacked the consideration? I do…I felt like an option for so long for someone who was so busy but wanted something good, but didn’t wish to put in the time or effort. I’m free though, free from the bounds that held me to loving someone who couldn’t see past his own insecurities to give me the little things to make me feel secure.

But today, this guy genuinely made me cry. You can say I’ve been on the emotional side lately if that’s what made me cry. But being single isn’t easy, we come across different guys with different intentions but still not the one we’d give it all up for. That’s where I’m at.  But this just opened my heart and gave me a little more hope.

Even as women, we forget to say thank you, or to tell a man we appreciate them. They work so hard, well some of them, the good ones at least lol. The good ones work so hard to make us happy or to keep a smile on our face, would saying, “Baby I appreciate you” hurt? Would telling him thank you hurt? Or better yet, show him that you appreciate him, words can say whatever we need them to, but our actions and our heart express a bit more than we ever know.

SO show someone you appreciate them.  I know I had to tell this man how much he warmed my heart by considering me, because truthfully I’ve grown out of expecting anything and now I’m smiling.

Oh Yeah! And to my faithful readers, thank you for sticking with me. I’m just an anonymous woman from the Caribbean writing. When I started I had no idea if anyone would be interested in anything I had to say and I do get tweets and comments showing appreciation. Thank you!

I’ll be back this week with a couple posts about men who lie….the topic we all know so well.

 

Love ya’ll xoxoxo

Male Decoder

Know Your Worth

Hey Lovelies!

Hope everyone is doing okay. I woke up this morning, bothered. I hate excuses! Period! If I don’t want to do something I’ll tell you so when it comes up you won’t be harassing me to do it, because I told you. But honesty only goes so far because it’s such a lonely word.

When it comes to men, has anyone ever noticed that men are nicer than women? Women would cut off a male without regarding his feelings. Whereas men have this “don’t burn your bridges” ideal. They’d stay friends with someone that they didn’t like in order not to hurt their feelings.

For example, let’s take John. He’s in a new relationship, he’s told his girlfriend that he doesn’t keep female friends, but there’s this one girl let’s call her Justine that keeps calling. When you question him, first he doesn’t know who that is, then you wait a month and he knows her. They were an item before you, he had told you about her before but what you couldn’t get is why he didn’t just say that. Why lie to you, risk losing your trust when it would have been easier to admit that he knew her? Furthermore, why is Justine still calling and texting you? Why is it men can be with another woman, but doesn’t care to tell the other women in his past that he’s moved on? Why keep this friendship going, but if the woman did that it’d be a problem. I hate the bullshit!

SO I went over all the excuses I’ve ever heard from a man and I’ve taken the liberty of decoding them into what they should say but for some reason lack the balls.

  1. I’m not ready for a relationship: SIG Interpretation: What is ready? You wait for ready you’ll never be ready. What he’s saying is, I want the extraordinary but I’m not prepared to put in the work. I want the girl and all that comes with it, but I wish to do my part when it’s convenient. So when she’s realizes I’m not fully in, I’ll feed her that excuse. Because I’m comfortable in my mediocrity, it’s not that I don’t like her, I don’t like her enough to get past my own insecurities and do something I’ve never done to get what I’ve never had. It’s really not her fault, I’m just a mediocre man prepared to live this way until I can make shit happen.
  2. I moved too fast: SIG Interpretation: For a moment I thought I could have done what I failed to do in the past and be a man, but I realized your expectations of me is more than I’m willing to give to anyone. I’m too damn selfish and I’m still as mediocre as ever.
  3. I’m not ready for anything: SIG Interpretation: I’m a coward. I want love but I’m not prepared to put in the work with you.
  4. I didn’t expect for us to move so fast: SIG Interpretation: Laugh My Fat Ass Off. Even I stopped on this. Usually when people say they want something real, they’re not saying it to be heard but they know they deserve something real. Why when it comes along you tell yourself, you didn’t expect for it to move so fast. There aren’t that many real people out there, when you’ve convinced a woman you’re real, she will not act lackadaisical  she will claim you as her man and treat you as you wish to be treated. All I’m getting is, I’m a DAMN COWARD from that statement.
  5. I don’t have female friendsSIG Interpretation: Well alright then. So what you mean is you get females numbers, lead them on, f-k them, keep communication for the next time you’re lonely but they’re not your friends. Yeah okay, we see you dude. In other words, I f-k females but when I’m in public I don’t address them, I learned this from being a player.
  6. She keeps calling, but I’m not interested. SIG Interpretation: Word? In 2013, we can block numbers or go to our phone company and block it. Even so, as a man you can tell someone you’re not interested. In other words, she keeps calling because I keep answering the call. I keep answering the phone because I don’t burn bridges as a man.
  7. I was busy: SIG Interpretation: We can understand this, we get busy too. But no one ever is too busy, if something is important to you, you’ll make time if not you’ll make excuses. In other words, you’re not on my list of priorities, I’ll get to you when I’m not doing anything.

I try to block BS out of my head, so I stopped at number 7. If you have anymore to add to the list, send it to us at singleislandgal@gmail.com . But the moral of this women is KNOW YOUR WORTH. Because I guarantee you will find a man that will make you question your worth, or who you are every time.

Love ya’ll xoxox

Pray for our Men

Hey Lovelies,

Pray for our men

I know you didn’t think I’d be back so quick, but “SourPuss” posts bought me back here instantly, to say this…We’re losing men at a serious rate. And not black men but our men, our good Caribbean men that white women brag about.

But I’m not here to rant about how black men take up jails, how the rates of them graduating are low- I’m here to talk about men when it comes to women. In SourPuss post’s she talked about being told that she was of the same nationality that the young man was trying to avoid. And I laughed. A woman is a woman. Your background determines how you deal with men.

Now being of the Caribbean origin myself, yes we are feisty.  We are aggressive but it’s not because we want to drive away other men that may have an interest in us, it’s because men of our backgrounds have made us this way. In the Caribbean, cheating is almost a way of life. People in our region have grown to accept cheating like they’ve grown to accept weed, everyone’s doing it so it isn’t wrong. This is why a lot of us choose to date outside the Caribbean origin.

Personally, Single Island Gal does NOT want another Caribbean man again. Sure, they’re appealing, they’re good looking, some of them keep themselves well. But other than that what else do they really have to offer us? And while I’m not saying every Caribbean man is like the ones we have described, it’s the same cycle and no one has the testicular fortitude to break it.

Every woman once in her life has had to pay the price for what another woman did to a man and has had to shown that they were different.  Once that happened, some men still decide to treat her like the other women and a rare amount cherish her. That’s the same cycle, we’ve grown to put men in.

Caribbean men contribute to who we are, but if you ask them they’d say the women aren’t any good, well I can say the same about the men. While it may not have been you, a man, a Caribbean man has disregarded a woman, treated her like she was dispensable and failed to recognize while she may not have had it all, she was a strong woman who was devoted to her man and gave him everything only to get nothing back in return. But it’s okay right? Because they’re men.

No, it’s not okay. Society teaches us to value men as the head of the household, the king but what about the woman? What about the woman who raises her man children that he had while he was with her, what about the woman who deals with hearing reports about her man out with his “sweetheart”, what about the woman that has to wear protection with her husband because she knows what he’s doing? This woman has to mold herself into the type of woman that her children can at least be proud of, she has to realize that this man is a product of his environment, which teaches him to mistreat a woman and he isn’t man enough to raise above it.  She then learns from her experiences, doesn’t allow any man to run over her, doesn’t allow a man to be inconsistent, she demands what she gives….because it is her right. Isn’t it?

Even in the Bible, we’re to stand behind our men. So let’s pray for our men. It doesn’t matter how many good women are presented to them, until a man realizes life is unpredictable and chances are rare he will not stand up and be more of a male. He will always treat women like they are dispensable, always chase hoes rather than his goals, always disrespect himself and more importantly his partner and will never recognize the value of a good woman until he can’t get one.

No matter how good we as Caribbean women are, we will never be good enough when paired off with a Caribbean man. So what do we do? Pray for the men that we are losing and pray for the younger generation that they stand up and do what’s right and realize that they didn’t come from a man, but a woman. It would be nice if men treated women how they’d like their mom to be treated?  Just a thought.

 

Love ya’ll xoxo

Caribbean woman.

Quote of a message I received, and my subsequent response.

 

“In all honesty. You do have that Caribbean woman attitude I tried to avoid for so long. Lol like it’s a defense mechanism or something”

 

Caribbean woman, he said

With a Caribbean attitude

Something to avoid for so long

Crass and rude

According to his calculations

Yet he dated one and never dated a

Jamaican or Dominican or Cuban or Haitian

Any other woman from the Caribbean.

Making judgments and comparisons to whom?

A white woman?

Canadian? American? Scandinavian?

 

 

Tell you what…

Do this strong black woman and favor and

Stick to your

pasty snowy females

Idolized in magazines and movies, who

Passive and kind and poor creature, so dumb

Having never experienced

the sheer havoc wreaked on your  heart and mind

The terror of a Caribbean man.

But darling your Caribbean woman attitude,

He cannot deal with.

 

 

Caribbean man

Creates the Caribbean woman while

Shirking his duties and adoring

Everything but the woman God placed in his hand

Caribbean man

Penis untamed sticking it into every open

Hole and crevice.

Caribbean man

Some Consuming alcohol at every chance,

 Some smoking, chilling on the blocks

Some content with the Caribbean dream

With rims and cars and clothes, image.

Swearing. Beating. Disrespecting.

His Caribbean woman.

 

 

While

Caribbean woman

Some cooking and cleaning, minding children

Some in darkened corners on their head

Some loud cackling chickens

Some swearing empty vessels of little substance

Some getting an education, supporting

Yet always told to hold her head high

Regardless of her circumstance.

And don’t let anyone run over her

Especially the Caribbean man.

 

 

Former kings who refuse to remind former queens

That they are such because they do not see them

As such.

 

 

This attitude of the Caribbean woman

Borne on the playing field

Molded by mother and aunt and grandmother

Flour and water and fruits of her hand

Carry yourself correctly

The women of old days saying

Mind your manners

You are great by nature of your birth

Young woman don’t forget it.

 

 

And by nature of your birth

Your Caribbean man views you not as

Empress and queen, strong woman

Your Caribbean man views you as dispensable

Not realizing it is his kind that feeds your aggression

That forced you to cope, to adapt to morph

Into that which he seemingly cannot stand?

 

 

Yes by right of my birth I am a Caribbean woman.

I am aggressive and strong.

I call you out when you’re wrong.

I can carry your child to term within my womb.

I can support you and feed you with these hands.

Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually.

I can help you build and mold. I can enable and provide.

And I realize that I’m not something just any man can deal with.

 

 

But I also realize the man God destined for me will be able to manage

My Caribbean woman attitude.

And that is perfectly fine.

 

*adapted for generality

Insanity.

I can’t help but to feel sorry for the men that I find attractive. Sorry for their beautiful skin or gorgeous eyes. Sorry for their fine bodies, their deep or husky voices, their good jobs and intelligence. I feel sorry for their walk, talk, dress, tastes, style, everything.

 

I feel sorry for them because by reason of my attraction to them, they are an a**hole.

 

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. And that if something is wrong in every situation you find yourself in, then the common denominator is in fact, YOU. Books are written about why men love bitches and how women are from venus, and literature up to the you know what detailing relationship advice. I know, because I had read the majority of them.

 

See, I know everything about a relationship by the book. I can quote you fancy lines and inspiring notations that would help you in your relationship. I can weave you fancy tales and give clever examples to support my statements. The thing is, we know what to do once we get into a relationship, but oh lord the choices we make as to whom we get into these relationships with.

 

So, What’s my type? My poison of choice? You guessed it. The infamous a**hole.

asshole lord noel

 

I didn’t mean for it to be this way, but it seems as though that is my personal insanity.

 

For example, the true bowel stretcher of a man who is comfortable with me paying and happy to relax and let me handle it. The sphincter clinger who states that by reason of my birth and nationality my attitude is something he wished to avoid. The mover and shaker of the anus who asked my sister back for the $8 he used to buy her Wendys. Not to mention the colon filler who couldn’t find the time to call or message because he was too busy. And of course I could go on, and on, and on.  

 

Why do I date these kinds of people? If you have the answer, please let me know. Perhaps it is the culture in which I was raised, and the options I have to select. Perhaps one could argue my daddy issues and family dysfunction leads me to this choice. Then again others may theorize about various self esteem issues and events that happened in my childhood. Or maybe I’m just a silly woman who doesn’t make good choices because of a combination of all of these. I probably just wasn’t taught any better.

 

Whatever the case may be, I am tired of the a**hole attraction.

 

Therefore, it is confirmed. Be it resolved… I cannot be attracted to the next person I date. Simple.

 

It is decided.