Excuse me, would you like some sun? Cause you’re shady as f-k.
Single Island Gal here again. I know ya’ll didn’t think I was done for the night. Cause I’m not, but hopefully after this I’m done.
Drake said it best, “I still don’t have time for an iffy bitch.” In this case, I still don’t have time for an iffy man. Okay, peep this. As a woman I’ll be the first to tell you, I’m moody, I have my days where I feel fat, some days I’m insecure and this list can go on. But I lay out my faults out there and I do not run from them. If you can’t accept me at my worst, you don’t deserve at my best. Now with that being said, it doesn’t take much to turn me off and away from people especially men.
As it stands, I’m single, I don’t trust men, I’m bitter, I’m jealous and I’m jaded and I have EVERY reason to be that way. But I don’t show everything I just named to people. When it comes to dating people would describe me as an optimist. I believe in happy endings, I believe that some man some day will show you why it didn’t work with others. I give people chances, sometimes second and third chances, but because of this weakness I can be the first to tell you watch what you do or say around me, I will cut you quick and I wouldn’t f-k with you.
Now, on to the topic of a shady man. Being shady is the ONE thing I hate. I always, write to you guys about honesty in a man. I value it, I cherish it, even if it’ll hurt me I rather respect the absolute crap of you than hate you because you lied to me and disregarded my feelings. I’m honest with everything I do when I’m with someone because I know and strongly believe that perception is everything. You may not be doing anything, but if someone sees something that they don’t deem as good or honest, then shit can hit the fan. So I give you all my friends, I tell you when and where I’m going because I’m respectful. Do I expect it back? HELL YES.
In regards of anything I do as a courtesy to you and your feelings, I expect it back even though we’re not the same people. I believe when you step to someone and say you want to be with them, you put their feelings on a pedestal and treat them in that way. Now with all of this being said, we live in a free world, well some of us. But if you don’t want to do something, say it. Are we in middle school where I’m avoiding answering you because I don’t want to hurt you? Are we back in the sand pit where you ask me a question but I don’t want to be your friend so I leave you in the sandpit to play with the weeds in the back of the school yard?
If you’re going to profess to being a man and a woman, you need to be real with yourself first and foremost. Stop doing things that will make someone question your true intentions, tell someone what your intentions are and if you feel you’re going to stray from that, leave them alone. I don’t get how you want to stress someone about the validity of a relationship and whether they can be true to you, but you can’t even be true to yourself about the type of person you are.
I am so used to women being shady, I didn’t even realize men were like this too. Everyone can’t be real and honest though and this is something as an adult I need to accept. I can write about this, make jokes, talk about someone in this very blog but until I realize that not everyone has the fortitude to be a man or a woman I will forever be affected by this.
But then again, I am a really finicky person. In saying this, it may not have been your intention to be shady but I read your actions as that and I will step back. We could be talking or we could be best friends, if you show me that you act a certain way when I interact with you, honey boo take this to your priest in confession, I WILL NEVER ask the same thing again. In fact, if we even speak again, would be a joke. I’m too real and honest for bullshit, my patience can’t deal with it and neither can my blood pressure.
I just can’t take you saying and doing one thing, but then at another time and point everything reads SHADY ABOUT YOU. I think I’m going to look into becoming a lesbian now, I’m really sick of this.
I’m out lovelies. xoxoxo
You didn’t think I was completely done for the day did you? Yeah so…the cold and calculating woman, we all know one of these. If not you’re the cold and calculated woman.
I know I am and I know a group of women just like me, I call them my friends. The trouble with this type of woman is, you never know what they know. A man can think he’s lying to her, fooling her, pulling wool over her eyes BUT she’s sitting there listening and smiling to herself thinking, “this man did NOT just lie to me.” This is scary…
Imagine if a man was like this and every night you came home and he asked you where you were and you lie and tell him you were at work. But because he’s already ten steps ahead of you, he called your work and obtained your schedule, he knows where you were but because he loves you so much he’s hoping you’d come clean but you don’t….You continue to lie to him, thinking you’re fooling him, when all you’re doing is damaging a relationship, dismantling the trust of someone who would understand, take you back if only you were just honest. You could possibly be damaging the heart of the only one who would accept you for who you are, no questions asked. But you continue to lie, then this man snaps and kills you. I’m going to put a carnation on your coffin, because you could have saved yourself.
That’s the danger of a “Cold & Calculating Woman“, men snap and act irrationally but women are devious creatures. Some of us act on impulse like men, others wait, watch and evaluate. I appreciate honesty, even though it may hurt, honesty is the only way you’ll get in my heart. When I suspect you’ve faltered from the honest man I’ve grown to be fond of is when I quaver from the nice woman you know. I question everything you say to me, and if I know something and ask you something, your best bet is to be honest to me. Because Tyler Perry couldn’t create a movie to correctly depict this type of woman and he manages to depict all types of “black” women correctly.
There’s nothing I can tell you that can make sure you avoid this woman, because lets face it. Women hurt, but society expects us to bounce back as if nothing is wrong, not knowing that our emotions and our heart hurt more than words can explain. I’d honestly like to meet Mr. I’dratherbesincerelyhonesttoyouthanlietoyou but honestly am I being Ms.DelusionalbecaueIknowmenlikethatdonotexactlyexist?
Maybe I am…but I’m going to issue a challenge today to myself and others. Don’t expect too much from someone, because when you do their disappointments bother you the most. Ask the questions you’d like to know, I’ve made a mistake of not doing this in the past and it hurt me, if you know the answers don’t kill him. Just realize the type of person you’re dealing with and some people have a problem being honest. We’re all flawed, some people believe when they tell you untruths they’re protecting you. If that helps them sleep better at night, let them do that. But know how far to take that or them for that matter. I really wouldn’t like to visit any of you in prison because the judge described you as a Cold & Calculating Woman.
Love ya’ll! xoxoxo
Mobile advertisers and marketers have developed campaigns over the years that keep consumers upgrading their plans, phones and accessories because they understand consumers are never content with what they have but are always looking for what we consider a better product.
Would you be surprised if I informed you that many of those advertisers are banking on enticing your primitive urge to sell their product faster every time!
I worked for an advertising firm in 1996 and one of the primary techniques they taught us was to up sell potential customers on the following: Jones Effect, Fear of Loss and Rehash.
Jones Effect: “Keeping Up with the Joneses” is an idiom in many parts of the English-speaking world referring to the comparison to one’s neighbor as a benchmark for social caste or the accumulation of material goods. To fail to “keep up with the Joneses” is perceived as demonstrating socioeconomic or cultural inferiority. Because someone else is seemingly more efficient or compatible, many men and women tend to upgrade only to find the software is a bit more complicated than advertised, the car burns more gas than the one traded or, the computer has less memory or functions than the old one because they made room for the new features. Contrary to what the reasons are, upgrading because someone offers improved or has enhanced goods and services does not signify that what’s advertised, offered or marketed is superior.
Fear of Loss: When you see something advertised and it says “won’t last long or buy today” those are fear of loss statements that generally convince those interested in purchasing to do so in a timely manner or risk losing the item. Men and women fear if they do not engage or consent to an affair or unhealthy relationship that they may lose a good candidate. Word to the wise, if they were that good the relationship would not have a need to be a secret nor require a hasty response. This tactic is utilized to cause you to make erratic decisions on impulse only to find those decisions costly after the adrenaline has subsided.
Rehash: When we rehashed consumers in the advertising field, it consisted of us soliciting them to buy more of the same product. We did not change the product; we simply offered more of the same product but with a different tone. Many are being offered a new mate with the same or inferior issues the current mate possesses. Regardless of what the item offered, with many upgrades comes stipulations and in the case of your wireless provider an added fee and extended contract. (This one will hit you later)
The mate you may have may not always work as they did when you all first met, but it may be more wise to invest in improving them than seeking an upgrade with another service provider. Invest in what you have, because enduring the season of planting will allow you to reap the harvest of your labor.
Mo Stegall, is a world class keynote speaker, prominent relationship specialist and empowerment coach. He is the author of the bestselling relationship book “From the Hands of Delilah to the Arms of Samson“. His empowering platform has encouraged and transformed millions of lives worldwide. He is passionately inspired to educate, encourage, and empower communities globally. He travels the country teaching men how to become Treasure Hunters & Jewel Experts, assisting women identify their strengths and deficiencies with his popular Jewel Tips and empowers communities to build healthy relationships through his widely successful Power Talks. He is a popular conference speaker, event emcee and college lecturer. For more information visit www.mostegall.com
Happy Friday! I hope everyone has plans to go drinking after 5!
So I want to write about the man you need, when you need it. If anyone has ever read Steve Harvey’s, “Act like a Lady, Think like a Man”, you’ll remember the part where he spoke about if a man isn’t where he needs to be, he won’t be the man you need him to be. Amen, Amen. Where was Harvey when I was in this situation?
About 7 years ago, I met the love of my life, my first love, actually my only love. He was everything I thought I wanted, yes I did say “thought”. He was 5 years older than I was and one would think he would be ready to be a man. But he wasn’t, he was in and out of jobs, he smoked pot heavily and his friends came before everyone especially us. To spend time with him, I had to spend time with his friends. It got so bad his best friend would tell him that he has a girlfriend and to go and see her. When we made plans, I’d get to his house to meet him not at home but laying up with his boys. I thought he liked men, honestly.
Out of the 3 years we were together I spent 2 years doing everything for him. If i wanted to go out to dinner, I’d have to offer to pay because he would never agree to go. He was a homebody in a sense. Getting him out to nightclubs with me or bars, was a task he just didn’t want to have to go through. I remember one time, I wanted Italian food and offered to pay. We had appetizer’s, starters, drinks and deserts, the meal itself came up to over 200 dollars. Do you think he said, “baby let’s go half?” I laugh thinking about that now, he sat down waited for me to pull out my credit card and paid for that meal. At that moment I knew I was the man and he had to have been my b!tch.
Then after my demands for a normal relationship started to finally get to him, he explained that he wasn’t where he wanted to be in life so he wasn’t sure he could have been a good boyfriend to me. Thank you for telling me 2 years after the time. The thing is, since I was there so long, he expected me to stick around. Believe it or not, I was because I thought I’d found the right one, no one explained to me that what I was doing was taking care of a man that was old enough to take care of both of us.
I remember his birthday, I got another job in college, saved every penny just so he could have had the perfect birthday. Mind you all I got for my birthday was bags and shirts and hats, because all women want that right? Right!! Yeah anyway, so I went all out, stretch limos, spa date, scavenger hunt etc. When my birthday came, I got excited to see what I’d get back, and I even asked. Only to be told, “I don’t have the money.” So my response was to him I was in college all those years you’d get lavish gifts, only to get the same response.
Now I told you all this to say, when a man isn’t where he thinks he should be in life, you wind up with lots of wasted emotions and an angry heart. Believe it or not, it took me almost 5 years to let go of the hate and anguish caused by him. What made it worse is, I was too young to understand what his actions were telling me. I was blinded by “love” to notice that this man didn’t want a girlfriend, and I was simply convenience. When he finally wanted me, I was on my way out and when I left him I can truly say that I made an enemy. He hates me but I’d rather him hate me than to still be going through the emotional abuse that I had gone through for years.
That experience certainly made me stronger, but now I can assure other women that when a man is telling you he’d rather spend time with his boys, or you find yourself having to do things in a relationship that you wouldn’t do just to spend time with you, leave him faster than Nicole left OJ. The truth is, until he’s at that job he’s been planning to get, or his bank account is more than 100 dollars, you’re just another liability. AND any woman that reads this blog is a beautiful asset that deserves the moon and the stars. Love & Respect yourselves ladies!
As I was browsing Twitter this morning, I ran into a “Man Talk” series, where this user Mo Stegall dedicated a number of tweets to the men. Everything was timely and necessary because we need people that are going to tell our young men right from wrong without blowing sunshine up their rear ends.
I was trying to narrow it down to which was my favorite, but admittedly I couldn’t. But one in which I wanted to share with you was, “#Mantalk why are you convincing her to submit to you and you have no plans of making her your wife #heartcheck”. Can I get the church to say, “AMEN”?
As an independent and fiercely dominant woman you can imagine the amount of men I have attempting to control me or conform me, it’s hilarious to be frank. Men incorrectly use submission to make a woman submit to his wishes and desires and it is wrong. I won’t go as far to say I can’t be controlled, but I can’t and it’s because I believe women weren’t created to be controlled. According to the Scriptures, a woman must accept the authority of her husband, no where does it say boyfriend, lover or random John Doe. Of course I know to find the one I must show signs of submission and I agree, but I haven’t found the right one yet and if I have I’m not aware. But I’m learning everyday to adjust my aggression and my dominance. However, that doesn’t give any man, that is not my husband and is not trying to be the right to try and make me submit to his worldly pleasures.
Like the tweet says, if you have no plans on making her your wife why would you try and get her to submit to you? I don’t get this ideal of playing house that young people believe in. I’ll be the first to admit that I have shacked up before, but after the situation had happened, I realized little boys play house and real men build homes, eventually we all grow up. Yet, too many men would rather play husband and play house rather than attempt to be a husband to a woman and build a home. If you have no intentions of settling down, why give her the idea that you are by pushing forth the ideal that you’re head of the relationship and everyone else must bow.
I think it’s funny though, because when you think of the idea of submission and what it possibly means to young men, it couldn’t be further away from what God meant. You want me to submit, but are you prepared to love me as God has loved the Church? Are you prepared to honor and respect me and give me what I need so that both of us can be a team with you at the forefront? Most men have a postmodern view of how a woman should act and what she should do that they disregard that God has a mandate for us to live and follow. So many people men especially are ignorant when it comes to the idea of “submission”.
What does submission mean to you? Do you believe in mutual submission? Do you believe that a girlfriend should submit to her boyfriend prior?
Can’t wait to hear from you guys!
Love ya’ll xoxo